I love you even though you love Donald Trump.
That's a hard thing for me to say because I am a first generation American woman living in Boston. But you make me not care about that stuff. Not that I don't have values or anything, but that stuff stopped mattering to me so much because I know how much of an amazing person you are, you were. I'm not even sure what tense I should be using right now.
My brain is all scattered. I can't even feel my face or my legs. They are numb. Dark streaks keep rolling down my face and no one is there to catch them for me. They are just collecting here on my lap as I write this. I have to keep brushing them away so I can see my screen.
I can't even go thirty minutes without thinking about you. How am I supposed to go the rest of my life without even talking to you? Without ever seeing your beautiful face. Or getting able to hold your hand, even if it's sweaty. But mine is too but you don't care and neither do I.
I'm sorry for disappointing you. I should have given you a better warning for what you signed up for.
I feel like a terrible person, but maybe that's because I am.
I don't really know what to do with myself.
I wanted to be with you forever.
I always end up messing things up.
I have 1,850 pictures on my phone and 1,471 of those pictures are of you and I know this because I counted them. I don't even know what I am going to do. I'm going to miss seeing your picture every day. Every night. Every afternoon. Every time I am sad. Every time I get lonely.
I've never met another human being who is so perfect for me. I''m so for ruining us.
You were perfect and I was not.
I'm so sad.
My heart hurts and I can't fix it. No one can.
You're the man of my dreams, but when I wake up I know that I'll just be alone and that you will be gone. And then I am just living my life in a nightmare. And when I go to bed every night I'll dream about you. How happy you made me. How I always felt at home with you, even if I was thousands of miles away.
I would have done anything to be with you because I really do love you in spite of everything you may think. Believe me when I say this. You are worth everything to me. All the money I've spent all the meltdowns in Greyhound. I love you and I'd do anything just to hold your hand one more time and to tell you that I love you one more time.
This letter isn't an act of desperation it is an act of love.
I will love you forever and ever, amen.
