I hope you’re able to read this today in good spirits. I hope that today you were able to wake up and get out of bed with little to no struggle. I know that some mornings you lay in bed, crippled with the thoughts of what could happen.
What if you go to wash the sleepy look from your face and your skin has broken out over night? What if you go to shower and you slip and fall? What if you wake up and forget to get dressed and you go to class in your jammies? When you told me about your morning thoughts, I was taken aback because I can’t imagine going through a million thoughts like that every morning. My morning routine is done on automatic, my only dilemma is whether or not I can get away with wearing my hair in the same braid as yesterday.
I think of the almost paralyzing fear I had when I went online to check on my college applications on acceptance days, and I wonder how you deal with it day and day out. And when I am done with that, I think of how strong you are for still going through your daily tasks. I know you don’t think of yourself as strong, because society tells you there’s something wrong with you. That a mental illness means you must be checked into a horror movie-esque hospital. That a mental illness means you are weak. But I know that you are not, I know that you are wired differently, but just because a fiat has a different motor than a VW bug doesn’t mean they’re not both great cars, they both traverse the world so why can’t they both be astounding? And you are astounding; you astound me with your grace, your determination, and most of all, your resilience.
Sure, maybe one car needs a certain type oil to keep running, or one has to go through a check out a little more often, that’s often the case with cars and people alike. You may need a medication to help you balance out, or an appointment with your counselor every week, but just like a person wants to keep their car in mint condition, you need to keep yourself in mint condition, and that 1000% ok. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the best you you can be.
I know that your anxiety keeps you from doing seemingly mundane things like going to get your oil changed, because what if they tell you the cars no good? What if they say the car’s ruined and its your fault? I’m here to tell you that maybe the mechanic is going to commend you on the upkeep, maybe he’s going to say he likes the cover you put on the wheel so that you don’t burn your hands after a hot day.
You’ve gotten so tired of bracing yourself for the worst, you sometimes just can’t brace yourself for anything. So when you feel like Atlas, with the world heavy on your shoulders, I am here to kneel down next to you and share that burden with you. Maybe I won’t be able to completely take it, but I hope that even a fraction of it being gone helps you to breathe again. I want you to breathe because I’ve seen you holding your breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Its time to exhale so you can inhale a clean breath. One full of refreshing hope, happiness and laughter. If you’re worried that your lungs won’t adjust to this new altitude, rest easy and know that I’ve got a CPR certification, a heart full of love and the belief that you can and will get better.
