"I had a dream we had a dog named Moose!"

I remember waking up and telling my parents that morning. Its as vivid a picture in my mind as if it happened yesterday. Mom was sitting at the kitchen table, and dad was standing next to me in the entryway to the kitchen across from my bedroom.

My mom was extremely blunt, of course. But she was right, we didn't need another animal, considering we already had two big labs. That didn't stop me from telling my story though. And of course, dad being the dog lover he always was, decided to take a family trip to the puppy store to play with the little nuggets that they had for sale. BIG mistake.

It took five minutes to spot him - the one. The black and white spotted one that looked so sad and tired. Even when we pulled him out to play, he was so calm and cuddly, and he wanted nothing other than to be loved. And then we found out that breeders killed dogs like him who were spotted.. and I guess you can figure out where things went after that.

He NEEDED to be a part of our family. I was in love. My dad was all in, but my mom needed a little bit of convincing. We had 2/3 and all we needed was that third yes, and you best believe we got it.

And as we sat there filling out papers I remember standing there and saying, "so what should we name him?" and my mom looked at me and said, "well you had a dream we had a dog named Moose, right?"

When that happened, I was 9. Almost eleven years ago. I never thought I would see the day that you weren't right there next to me, but here I am. They weren't kidding when they said you can feel the emptiness when you lose that presence. It hurts like hell.

When you got sick in July, I laughed. Man, we shouldn't have fed you table food like we did. It was just diabetes. We just had to give you two shots of insulin a day. It would just hurt you a little bit. It was all going to be fine. It didn't take long for reality to get thrown in my face. For the longest time, I was the only one who could give you the shots.. and when they got difficult for me, I think I knew your time was coming.

The day I got the phone call that you were no longer going to be in our lives, I was devastated. I was angry. I was angry that no one could figure out how to keep you alive. I was angry that God would take you away from me so soon after He took my Dad away from me. You were the last connection I had with him. I was trying to imagine going home and not hearing the jingle of your collar at the door and seeing you push your little face in the crack the second we start to open it. I was trying to think about a time that I sat on the couch and didn't cuddle with you. I was trying to imagine what life was going to be like without you there, and I couldn't.

And I still can't.

I forget you're not around. The thoughts of whether I should get you a treat when I pass it, or what toy I should get you for Christmas still crosses my mind. If I'm being honest? I'd be lying if I said I didn't start crying in the middle of Target staring at the little sweaters because my first thought was that I should undoubtedly pick one up for you for the holidays. Its my first night home for Christmas break and I have already caught myself sneaking down the steps so that I don't wake you up because I'm afraid of you barking and waking up the rest of the house.

Its weird to look around and not see your bed and a few toys sprawled across the floor. Its weird to not have to yell at you for hiding your treats in the bottom branches of the Christmas tree. Its weird to know I'll never see you again.

I hate this feeling.

I know you're up there in Rainbow Bridge, and I'm sure that Dad is up there playing with you and teaching you tricks. You're probably reunited with Winnie and Raven and having the time of your life right now. I know you're completely healthy and no longer suffering. Those thoughts make the tears go away.

Thank you for the ten years that you kept my heart overflowing with love. The piece of my heart where you fit will eventually be patched up, but nothing will ever be able to replace you. You will forever be my angel, my moo moo, my little buddy. I love you.