I’m writing this to you today, hoping that you hear me out. I’m hoping that you really take this to heart. Don’t think that this is just another way of me nagging you because I’m that one “mom friend.” I’m writing this to you because I truly worry about you and care for you.

This relationship that you are in is toxic. You think I can’t hear how you yell at him. You think I don’t see how he gets so easily frustrated with you. You believe that you can suppress your anger, your tears, and your doubts from me. I see the screenshots. But, I’m here today because I have so much love for you and I don’t want you to think that you need to let your relationship stay the way it is. I’m here today to let you know that your relationship has its kinks, but I’m here to guide you.

I am not saying you need to break up with him.

In fact, I want you to be with him for a long time. I see the potential you see in him. I know that he has good intentions for you. I understand you have your doubts. and that you don’t always rely on him to deliver on his promises. I know you worry about other girls trying to flirt with him. I know you want to look over his shoulder to see who he is texting. But, he tells me about how he wants to marry you one day, create a beautiful family, and spoil you rotten. All I am trying to say is that he carries potential, but you both need to focus on how to create a more stable relationship.

Respect really is the key.

When he lays in bed with you and his hands move too fast, I see how you cringe a bit. When he dismisses and puts down your opinions, I see how you hesitate to share your other thoughts. Please, set those boundaries with him. If he can’t even respect your mind and body, then he really doesn’t deserve to be with you.

Your mother really knows best.

I hear how your mother asks if you met any other guys over the weekend. I hear how she doesn’t like when he spends the night at your dorm or drives up to see you for the day. She isn’t nagging. She’s trying to get you to understand that your relationship with him isn’t healthy. Just like me, she is just looking out for your well-being. She wants you to be happy with him, but she knows, at this point, you aren’t happy.

Sometimes, venting to me and your other friends about him just isn’t enough.

Many times, you brush off the thought of seeking professional help. You think it’s for older, married couples who fight over bills or divorced people who fight over custody rights. There’s such a stigma against those who seek psychological assistance and you don’t want to involve yourself in it. But, you need to talk to someone who has the resources and degrees to mediate between the two of you. 

I worry about you. As your friend, I have this soft spot in my heart for you. When you hop on a plane, when you are anxious over a big midterm, when you cry such big tears- I truly worry about you and will do anything to ensure you don’t need to worry. I love taking care of you, but at this point, I know I can only do so much for you and your relationship. I can lead you to the water, but I can’t force you to drink it. So, here’s a cup of water. I hope you take the time to take it all in and relieve yourself of your stress, heartaches, and anxieties.