To My "First"
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Health and Wellness

To My "First"

Nothing was ever the same.

249
To My "First"
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You,

Over the past six years I've been trying to think of what I need to say to you. As I've grown and matured I've finally figured out what I want to say to you. When you did what you did to me you stole a part of me, a part that I can never get back. You took something that was so pure and meaningful and made it dirty. Since that day there hasn't been a day that I don't think about what happened...maybe it was my fault. I invited you to hang out, and I didn't stop you at first. I led you to believe that this is what I wanted to happen. You were so sweet at first and I enjoyed talking to you. When you kissed me I felt invigorated I had never been kissed like that before. Once you started getting more physical and pushy I told you no, I told you I didn't want to do that. You stopped for a bit and then pushed me again. You being an 18 year old man, and me being a 14 year old girl you had more power and strength over me.

Eventually I stopped fighting you and just let it happen, so maybe it was my fault. When you finished doing what you "needed to do" I left. I went back into my school and I told myself it was over, I could go on with my life and forget that it ever happened. It wasn't until my friend came up to me and told me that we were seen that I broke down in the middle of a hallway. That was the worst day of my life, that is a day that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Word got around but not correctly. Walking around the school the next couple of days was unbearable, people were talking about how I let it happen and how I wanted it. As the years went on its been hard for me to let go of what has happened that day. It will effect me in every relationship I have, every friendship I have, every time I decide to let loose and go out with friends. It will always be there.

Its been six years and I have trouble letting people in. I hear your name and my stomach turns. You don't know what trouble you have caused me, because I never reported what happened. You get to live the rest of your life doing everything you want to do in life, I was just another girl that you had your way with. For me you were everything and nothing. The first time I had to face you after I turned and walked away. I went home and I cried, and you will never know. Im not looking for anything from you because there is nothing that you can do or say that can change the physical and emotional harm that you have caused over the past six years, and for the rest of my life.

-The girl that meant nothing to you, but you took everything from.


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