This Father's Day will mark 4 years, 52 months, 1,590 days, 38,160 hours, 2,289,600 minutes, and way too many seconds, since I have lost you. I must say its been a difficult 4 years, 52 months, 1,590 days, 38,160 hours, 2,289,600 minutes to say the least, sometimes I don't even know how I made it through.
Father's Day is just a reminder of how much I miss you and how unfair it is that I can't have you here. Even though it feels like forever and a day since I had you here, I have to admit that I still cry, I still get mad, I still ask, why? Why did you have to leave me? Why did you have to leave me two days before my 17th birthday? Why couldn't you be there to see me off to prom? Why couldn't you be there to see me graduate? Why won't you be able to walk me down the isle? Why won't you be able to meet your grandchildren?
Knowing how much you have already missed out on and how much you will miss out on is hard to come to terms with, it almost seems impossible. I know you wouldn't have left me if you had the choice. I just don't understand why you were taken from me and I know that I never will.
I get jealous that other people get to spend Father's Day with their dads but I can't nor will I ever be able to. The only thing I have on Father's Day that makes me feel close to you (but not close enough) are all the cards, voicemails, and memories that you left me with.
I would do anything to get one more day with you. To laugh with you again, listen to you yell at me over the dumbest things, be weird with you, talk about aliens, hug you tight...any of the things we used to do.
I know you would be so proud of the woman I am becoming and all of the things that I am accomplishing. I am sure you are up there smiling down on me each and every day, celebrating my successes, and protecting me. You truly are my guardian angel.
I want you to know no matter how far away you are from me I will always be your little girl. I will always love you. I will always miss you. I will always need you
Love,
Tink
People always say its gets easier as time goes on but it doesn't. The only thing that gets easier is how you cope with such an immense heartache. You never really truly get over losing someone, especially someone as close as a parent. It almost feels like I lost half of who I was when I lost my dad.
I can't express enough how lucky I am to have people in my life that help fill the biggest void I have ever felt. I am forever thankful and grateful for them.
To my brother… thank you for always being there for me and taking me under your wing when I need it most. Thank you for looking out for my best interest and pushing me to be a better person. Thank you for being real with me even if I don't want to hear it sometimes. I would have never made it through these last 4 years without you by my side.
To my step dad… Thank you for putting up with me although it is rarely easy. Thank you for accepting me even though it took me a while to accept you. Thank you for showing me what it is like to be loved and cared for. Thank you for being understanding and always giving the best advice. Thank you for being patient with me.
To my mom…. Thank you for absolutely everything, you have always cared for me like no other. Thank you for being an amazing role model and showing me what it is like to be a strong woman. Thank you for picking me up when I fall. Thank you for being my sunshine on dark days. Thank you for being my "bestest" friend.
And to my angle in heaven…. You left me in good hands, I know you can see that.
