Anthony: "Sis you coming to the party tonight?"

Me: "I'm not sure yet , I didn't really plan on going."

Anthony: "Oh okay, me and Kerry soon pull up to your school!"

Me: "Yeah he told me lol, just let me know! & if I don't go to the party tonight, you'll definitely see me next week at the all white affair."

Anthony: "Yeah we lit for a fact."

Me: "As we should be lol"

As I sit here and recall our very last conversation earlier that day, I can't help but feel a void in my heart that can't be filled. I was always told that when you lose someone close to you, everything feels surreal and all you can do is cry until you can't cry anymore. I never understood what that meant until the morning of August 28th, 2016. I remember waking up multiple times throughout the night but thinking it was just me and my insomnia issues. When I finally woke up again which was around 7:45 in the morning, I had a missed call from Abby. I even got a message from Erica who asked if I knew what happened to me. I was so confused, but one thing I can remember is the cold feeling I got once I went on Facebook and saw your name with nothing but broken hearts. I didn't want to believe it, I didn't know if life was playing a trick on me or if this was a dream. I just remember running as fast as I could to find Alyssa and cry to her hoping that you would be okay. When I finally got to Bentley's room, and I saw the look on his face, I knew exactly what it meant. All I could do was scream "Anthony's dead, he's gone!" and dropped to the ground in tears. I didn't know what to do, my first initial thought was to go to Ithaca and find out what hospital you were in, I wanted to know what happened and how could someone take a life of an individual who had so much to offer.

Our friendship goes back to our sophomore year in High school. We were both top 10 and you were always trying to beat the person who was ahead of you. I remember us in geometry class and as much as everyone would fool around, you always got your work done even with your tiny yet legible handwriting. Remember when we had Mr.Salzberg and he became our favorite teacher? We would always cut class in his room to talk about life and what our plans after high school. There would even be days I would come and you would be sitting in his chair and yell, "Lightskin get out and go to class!" You always assumed I was "Lightskin" because I never responded to any boy that texted me but that was just me being Alison. By the time senior year came we were both in AP French and you were the only one who could hold a full conversation with Madame Zizi and she would yell to the class "Why can't you all be like Anthony!" And everyone would suck their teeth and yell back "He already knows the language!" I remember coming into class one day with my eyes red from crying the night before and you wouldn't stop poking me with your pen until I told you what was wrong. Once I finally vented, you assured me that everything would be okay and to smile because you didn't like to see your sis frowning all day. You were such a people person and everyone always wanted to hold a conversation with you, which is why I understand why Kayara was so over protective of you but in your eyes she was "crazy," even though I always told you that it was just her way of showing she cares. I remember the day after we graduated and we had nothing but positive vibes, it was you, Kerry, Sam, and I reminiscing on how fast time went and how we would be freshman in college in a couple months. I was also excited to try out my new selfie stick!

Fast forward to our freshman year in college. Exactly one year ago you came to Wells for the Umoja party. You rushed from your Brothers4Brothers meeting and met up with Aaliyah and I at the commons. That very day you also forgot to bring shower shoes and a towel. You were so unprepared but you definitely didn't forget your outfit for the party! You also had Aaliyah and I eat in the pub because you couldn't get enough of the burger and fries. That same night I had a little too much to drink and you took me back to my room. I remember me telling you that I was so sleepy and you telling me "Don't worry sis, I got you. Just put your arm around my shoulder."

I remember in January we brought in Pablo's birthday together and I told you guys that I was happy we all made it to see another year. Remember the weekend before I left for school? You, Kerry, Pablo, and I spent the whole day together and I was hiding from my grandmother because I'm always running into her. We were so excited about what this upcoming semester was going to bring and you out of all of us ALWAYS had a plan. The day of your funeral I couldn't see you like that. I couldn't believe that out of all people you were the one to go first. There's no better way I could sum this up then how I wrote my earlier letter for you a week after you passed.

"Last week I lost one of my closest friends. To others he is just the kid who was killed in a senseless act of violence. But to me, that was my brother and part of my support system. Our friendship goes back to high school from having classes in geometry or french & even staying after school. I usually had to stay behind to study for my algebra regents & Anthony would come in & always remind me that if I needed help he was there. He was the kind of person you can go to at a time of need & he'd be so eager to help. Once senior year came around, Anthony came here to Wells for the NYC fly in program. I couldn't go but Anthony told me he'd tell me all about it that Monday morning. When that morning came, Anthony came in with the brightest smile on his face & the first thing he said was "I'm coming to Wells with you guys". However, a couple days later he got accepted into Ithaca College who happen to give him a better package. Once he visited, he made the final decision that he was going to attend that school. I was a little upset but I was also happy because he was so passionate about what he wanted to do & explained that IC had the environment he wanted to work within. Once we arrived at school I quickly learned that the shuttle went to the commons and Anthony was the first person I wrote to tell him that we could hang out. He promised that he would come one weekend & he did early last October. We talked about our dreams, what we wanted to get out of school. Not everyone from Brooklyn makes it out & we considered ourselves the lucky ones. Anthony was that person who never wanted there to be bad energy when he was around. If he saw you were sad, he wouldn’t stop bothering you until you cracked a smile. One of the recent memories I have with Anthony was the weekend before I came back to Wells. We reminisced on all the memories we made last semester. I still remember how his dorm was set up and us playing music before heading to a party one cold night in March. Every event that was coming up Ant would always call and tell me “You better come or you not my sis no more.” I remember him telling me that he couldn’t wait to get back on campus this upcoming semester. I was also excited for what was to come, I just wish I knew that losing him was going to be part of the process. I knew he was going to be successful, the way he spoke about what he wanted to do in the future. You could tell that it was going to become a reality. Anthony always had a plan whether it was big or small. That’s just the type of person he was. Though I am still hurt that he’s been taken away from his loved ones, I would like to thank God for putting such a wonderful and caring person in my life. Anthony was loved because he cared about others before himself. Not many come across real friends within their lifetime but I was blessed to meet him and watch him grow over the years into the young man he is today. I have so many memories I wish I could share but those are the ones I will keep close to my heart. I’m also glad I was able to speak to him earlier that day, though our plans will never be fulfilled, I know he is with me every step of the way. He wanted to make a difference in the world and he did by helping in any way he could. Whether it was big or small, he had an impact on everyone. Anthony, thank you for being the best brother figure a girl could ask for, because of you I am a better person. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I love you and I will never forget you."

I know they say that things happen for a reason but I will never get over this. The hurt will always remain the same. Every time I hear "My Shit" by Aboogie I automatically turn up for you. At the Umoja party Saturday, we had a moment of silence and your Brothers4Brothers came to party with us as well. It meant so much to me because so many people know that you were such a great person. I am grateful to have you as my brother, it brought our friends a lot closer and every day we talk about you. Everyone is hurting, your family, your mother, your nephew Khaleb who is a replica of you, your sister Kiara and Kay especially. Please guide them and give them the strength they need to go through life without your presence. I refuse to let you be just another case. As the tears roll down my face I know that you are free from hurt, and all the cold things this world has to offer. I will never ever forget you, I love you and see you soon!