Dear Body,

You are me. I am nothing without you. And yet, I have never accepted you for what you are until now. For that, I’m terribly sorry. I have created scars on my heart and my mind from holding you at arms’ length. Because I refused to like you, refused to claim you as who I am, I have caused a chain reaction within myself that has left me feeling lost. I had thought, long ago, that I had finally closed that chapter in my life. That I had finally allowed myself to love how I looked, to acknowledge that I am what I am for a reason. But I was mistaken, and I never knew until I looked in the mirror today. The mirror I’d been ignoring and avoiding for years, never spending more time peering into than was necessary. It was today that I realized I had been doing all of this on purpose, because I didn’t want to be in the body I’m in. I had never entertained the thought that this skin, this design, was good enough. But something changed today. I decided I wasn’t going to allow that to happen anymore. I’m letting go of the grudge I’ve had against you- against me- and allowing myself to finally come to terms. I’m not going to play the game that society has laid out for me. This isn’t the path I choose to follow, the mindset I want to have. Today, I’m saying ‘thank you.’

Thank you for being healthy, for fighting off illness and allowing me to live the life I have. I am so fortunate to be able to spend my days how I please, rather than inside a hospital. I have the luxury of a heart that beats, lungs that work perfectly, limbs that function; that is something to cherish.

Thank you for helping me prove to myself that I am capable of more than I could ever dream. I’ve been through a lot, and sometimes I thought that I would never be able to continue. But you’ve been strong and sturdy, and have carried me through the physical hardships of being human.

Thank you for giving me hands that can create, and a voice that can inspire. I would never be able to accomplish as much as I have if not for the ability to speak and express myself. I would not be a writer, or a vocalist, or an artist; I wouldn’t be who I am.

Finally, thank you for your soft edges, your stomach rolls, your dimples and freckles, your height (or lack thereof), your breakouts, and the squint you have when you smile. Thank you for every part of you that is unique to me, and me alone. I used to hate what I looked like. I couldn’t stand looking at the imperfections and I couldn’t help but compare myself to what I saw during my day. Whether it was the people on TV or those around me, there was always something I didn’t like and wanted to change. I never felt like I belonged in my own body because I was supposed to look different. But it’s the differences that make me who I am, and I’m lucky enough to see that now. I can’t ever look like the models we are all forced to see, but I shouldn’t hate myself for that, nor should I hate them for that. I’ve come to realize that those images aren’t my version of perfect. I’m my own version of perfect. I always have been. Unfortunately, it’s taken eighteen years to figure that out, but better late than never right?

I’ve been ashamed of myself for far too long. It’s time that I finally allow myself to love me for me. I’m not perfect, and neither is anyone else; that’s what makes it beautiful. We’re all different, and we’ve all faced a time where we’ve struggled with who we are and what we look like. Today, I finally looked in that mirror. I finally realized that the only person who’s forcing me to feel this way is myself, that I shouldn’t feel ashamed of the body I’m in. But I know that others are still struggling. I also know that some days I won’t feel this confident, either. But that’s alright, because I’m learning. We all are. And one way or another we’re going to change how we feel about ourselves.

Today, my journey started with a ‘thank you.’