To My Best Friend's Girlfriend
Start writing a post

To My Best Friend's Girlfriend

Please don't consider me "the other woman."

To My Best Friend's Girlfriend
Blast Magazine

Hey, girl. I can only imagine the shock and frustrations felt when you first realize your boy friend's best friend is a lady. I've always gotten along better with men than women, so I can't say I understand it, but I can imagine your reaction.

Was I close? Since I understand the complications that reaction can create in your relationship (I know because I hear about them), there are a few things I'd like to say.

1. I am in no way a threat.

I'm in no way even close to being a threat. I'm not even near the boundaries that facilitate being close to a threat. Even putting aside the fact that I'm currently dating someone else, within the dynamics of relationships, it's not even possible. Let me explain with what I like to call the "Target of Friendship."

Alright, so it's just a regular target, but it still makes for a good metaphor. When you first meet someone of the opposite sex, they are usually in the blue zone. You're not really sure if you even like their personality or could even tolerate them enough to be Facebook friends. You're still feeling them out. After this short stage, however, you will move them towards either the black area or the Red Zone. If by the end of the blue Trial Period, your feelings for this person are strictly platonic, you move them to the depths of the black Friend Zone. If you've caught some feels by the end, however, you move them to the Red Zone. This is that critical period where you decide whether or not to express those feelings you caught. If you do and they're mutual, you both move together into the yellow Couple Zone -- the center of which represents marriage, naturally. If not, you can either stay miserably in the Red Zone, constantly tortured by your unreciprocated feelings for the other person, or find your rightful spot in the Friend Zone, because we all know you're already in theirs.

Now, do you see that white ring around the outside? Then the vast space of nothingness beyond it? That's where your boyfriend is on my Target of Friendship (TOF), as I'm sure I am on his. This is beyond the Friend Zone because there's still a chance for those doomed to the black pits of despair to crawl their way out in some last ditch effort during a weak moment to win over their friend forever in the Red Zone. No, we're beyond that. We've complained too often about too many relationships. We've ignored solid advice too many times. We've shared too many details that stay on a confidential level only siblings have access to. That's the thing. When relationships like this get further and further away from your TOF, they get closer and closer to your Family Tree. They're like your adopted brother who doesn't annoy you as much as your real one. They're the ones who always gets invited to family dinners because grandma wants them there just as much as the regulars. If you wouldn't date your biological brothers, you wouldn't consider dating these ones either. So as long as you're not applying for the nonvacant "best friend" position, we're good.

2. You can count on me to let him know when he's being an idiot.

As all relationships do, you guys are going to fight. I'm the lucky one who gets to hear all about it afterward.

When he's messed up, I'm fairly quick and very blunt in letting him know. After what I'm sure sounds like a broken record lecture, he'll usually realize he's wrong and be ready to apologize -- or at least let me believe so to finally shut me up. Friendships of the opposite sex are almost critical in understanding our significant others. Half the time men and women are upset, it's because they simply misinterpreted or didn't understand what their partner was actually saying or doing. I'm here to explain that to him and vice versa.

3. I'll always be on his side, though.

The longer you date, the more likely we'll hang out and the closer we'll probably get. This will increase the likelihood of hearing your relationship complaints as well as his. While this gives me, the adviser, a much-needed advantage in resolving the issue, it also puts me in a very complicated situation. Which side do you choose in a fight between your best friend and his girlfriend who is also your friend? There are going to be times where he seriously screws up and you'll come to me for advice or validation. I'll always let you know when you're right in being upset, but I will also always try to find some kind of reasoning or thought process that would make those actions seem acceptable to him. I'll be sure to yell at him about it later, but to you, I'll always try to spin it as positively as possible for him. He was my friend first, after all.

This also means I'll be just as quick to validate when he's upset about something you've done. Though, I'll work just as hard to get him to understand your side of the situation.

4. I'd love for you to join our hangouts.

Whether we're third wheeling it Harry Potter style or setting up a double date during my SO's sparse availability, I'm all for it. You're automatically welcomed as part of the family, too.

If there's a family dinner or church gathering he's been invited to, it should go unsaid that you're invited as well. If we've planned a parent outing to the zoo with the kiddos, you're clearly welcome to come. There will be very few times that I'll ever think twice about you coming. It's safe to say that you guys are pretty much a package deal.

5. There will be very few times that I'll think twice about you coming.

I already know what you're thinking. When would it ever be not OK for me to come?

But he's still my best friend. Just as he complains about all his problems to me, he's who I complain about all my problems to. There's going to be times in my life where it's just too much or too serious to talk about on the phone. I'm going to go through my trials and tribulations every now and then and I'm going to need some sound advice to make the right decisions throughout all of them. I go back to the insight on gender differences here. Since we may never be friends at that level, I may never be comfortable speaking openly about some things with you. I'm a pretty closed person when it comes to my own feelings, so even something as common as a death in my family would require one of those visits. I'm sure you have those spill nights with your girlfriends where you just need to vent that you'd be a little upset if they brought their boyfriends along. My best girlfriend just happens to be a dude.

While I'll never forbid him from telling you anything we talk about, I'd also appreciate if you would be willing to respect my privacy. There are going to be things I just won't be comfortable with people I'm not close to knowing. If he has to share those things with you to maintain a healthy relationship, I get it, but it would be like your best friend telling all your secrets or letting someone read your diary.

6. Above all else, I'm rooting for your guys' happiness.

I hope you know that my primary job as his best friend is to ensure he's making decisions that will ultimately result in his happiness. When you're going through the rough patches that all couples go through, I'm helping him see the bigger picture needed to move past it. Consider me your own personal cheerleader.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments