Dear friend,

I just want you to know that the year and a half you were by my side contained some of the best and happiest moments of my life. In you I found someone who completely understood me; something I have yet to find in anyone else I've met in my life thus far. I hope to find someone like you again, but they will never, ever be you.

Our friendship blossomed so fast that I can't even remember how it started. All I remember is that you went from being a fellow student to one of my best friends in a matter of weeks. You were there for me through so much; my first relationship and it's much needed end, the loss of my grandfather, the end of a friendship with someone who I shouldn't have let in in the first place. You never judged me, never told me what to do. You simply supported me and made suggestions. You took my mind off of things when I needed distracted. I wouldn't have made it without you.

I knew when I left for college that things would be different. I was only going to be an hour away, but my life was changing in ways yours wasn't. You weren't even thinking about college at the time, and there I was, living it. We were at two different places in life and I thought that we could overcome it. For a while, we did.

But school got in the way. Life got in the way. I was busy trying to fit into my new surroundings, make friends, pass classes, dip my toes into the water of being independent. You were in high school, still living at home, making friends, trying to pass classes and figure out your life. We clung to each other for a while, trying to figure all of this out together, but in the end, it just didn't work.

Our texts became less and less frequent. I thought about you often but could never seem to make it to my phone to send a message when I was thinking about it. When I did, you didn't always reply. I watched as you made new friends, posted about them on Instagram, tweeted inside jokes with them. It hurt. I still wanted to be a part of your life, I still wanted to make jokes and be in the pictures. But I wasn't. So I muted you on social media so I wouldn't feel hurt or jealous every time I saw a post of yours. It's weak and stupid, I know, but it helped me get through.

When I tried to see you when I was home, it started to feel a little like we just didn't fit anymore. You would tell me about all of your new friends, people I hardly knew. If we were at a public event, they'd show up and I'd feel like I faded into the background. It was hurtful. It was sad. I didn't understand any of what was happening because we had been so close. You had known me inside and out and I had known you in the same way. This wasn't supposed to be happening.

Eventually, I wised up and started to figure out what was going on. We were at two completely different places in our lives, places where we didn't need each other anymore. You had your friends who were physically able to be there for you, who supported you, who loved you in ways that you deserved to be loved. I couldn't be there for you like I used to be. You didn't need someone far away, you needed people who were there. You found what we had with multiple other people and I couldn't be happier for you, even though I'm still a little sad.

I don't know what I needed. I still don't. Maybe I needed people who were physically present for me. Maybe I needed to find what we had in someone else, although, like I said earlier, I haven't found that person yet. Maybe I just needed to let high school go completely and plunge forward into adulthood with an open mind. Hopefully, someday I will look back and know exactly what the end of our relationship brought me.

The hardest part about us is that there was no official end. We just sort of stopped talking and moved on with our lives. I don't wish we had ended in bitterness or anger, I just wish there had been some kind of defining conclusion. Why? Because I still look you up on Instagram sometimes and feel that little nag of hurt when I don't see evidence of me anywhere.

I want you to know that I will always be proud of you. You are strong, kind, smart, funny, pretty, talented, understanding, genuine, so many adjectives I can't even begin to list them all. You have overcome all sorts of obstacles to get where you are today and I know you will continue to do so in the future. You won't stop until you have achieved and experienced everything you set out to do, and I will always admire you for it.

I will always love you, or at least the you that I was friends with for that season. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world as you move forward with your life. If we are ever at the same place in our lives again, I hope we will find each other. I will welcome you back whenever the time is right. Until then, I look forward to seeing you live, laugh, learn, and grow through social media, and to the occasional moments when we cross paths in some way.

You are beautiful. You are strong. You are worth every good thing coming your way. Never forget that.

Until we meet again,

Your friend