Dear 11th grade Jennifer,
This is your 19-year-old self-talking. Don't believe me? I guess to prove it is me I can tell you that you sucked on your pacifier until around four years old. Embarrassing right? Well well well... didn't think you would come out alive, did you? That depression that tried killing you lost. It is okay that you aren't yourself. Believe me, when I say you will be okay. The road at the end of the tunnel isn't a dead end; it is the start of a beautiful journey. It is hard, and it most likely seems like every day is just getting worse, but one day you will be victorious. You're winning right now. You are facing the odds and staying alive and keep chugging. If you don't feel loved, know you are. God loves you, and I know people around you do too. You feel alone and like no one is listening, but God is. He heard your prayers. All those negative thoughts will go away, I promise. Hurting yourself is not the answer. Depression is a lack of hope and God is hope. You'll never believe me when I say that guitar that was a gift from a friend in youth group will be your saving grace. You will praise God with that thing in your room until your fingers go numb. You will slowly start to see that light that once shined in your eyes appear again. Do you know it is alright for you to focus on you? Trust me. Trust yourself. You are so strong, and people are behind you screaming you on. Do you know you end up going to college? Crazy right. A private University at that. You know who got you to this point? You did.
I want to give you just a few things that you will definitely want to live for. Fast forward to your first year at University and you meet amazing friends. The first week there and you'll meet someone from your own hometown and end up hitting things off and become best friends. Also, please drop whatever you are doing and go to the 1st floor's program game night. You'll end up meeting your other best friend there. And you can go ahead and laugh at yourself because guess what? You are one of those sorority girls. Well, technically you are considered a sorority woman but you are only 16 so you can get that title later. The sorority will change your life. You are stuck with these ladies for your entire life, and that happens to be a good thing. You'll meet a girl at a country social, stick with her. She becomes one of your best friends and shows you to some sisters (yes, sorority sisters) who become your best friends too. In this sorority, you'll end up having a big that loves you more than you can imagine. Give her a chance. Please. Oh and your grand big? She is a mess, but she is amazing and loves you too.. Your whole family line loves you. See that? You do have people who love you even if it doesn't seem like it. You're going to be successful.
Don't let that stubborn head of yours get the best of you. Hug people who mean the world to you anytime you can because you'll end up losing a few of them. If you can trust anyone right now, it is me. Btw, I don't want to make it seem like life will be easy sailing after this because there are times where it will be hard. You get in a car accident your senior year, and the doctors tell you that you can't bowl or play softball. You end up doing it anyway because you only live once right? Is that popular yet? Don't use it ever again okay? You also meet some people your freshman year of college who you end up losing, and it hurts you so bad, but don't let them stop you. Keep in mind that if you only pray when you're in trouble, you'll be in trouble. You might not want to hear this, but momma is right. Get out of bed and try to move around. Just trying to do you a favor here. I do love you, stubborn 16-year-old Jennifer.
Love,
Your 19-year-old self
