Fifteen with eyes like motor oil and a pulse swapped with a turn signal, my incessant teenage angst remains one of my fondest memories even three years later. Fifteen, hungry and hoping for a phone call, counting the tiles by two in the school's basement bathroom, I didn't know what I meant until my hands trembled.
1. Let people take your picture.
Few feel even fleeting flecks of self-esteem at 15. Smile for your friend's snapshots despite this. The photos will bring you great joy in just two years.
2. Wear what you want.
Jesus Christ on a stationary bike, take off the school hoodie.
3. Use your voice.
When well-meaning girls gawk at you in the locker room, ask if you starve yourself, say yes. It is nothing like last year; they don't have hearts like mouse traps. No one has replaced their hands with fishhooks. The truth clips throat. Tell them anyway. They listen to you. They invite you to their sweet 16s.
4. Don't be embarrassed about the music you listen to.
Your iPod goes from "What Makes you Beautiful" to "Dear Diary, My Teen Angst Has a Body Count" on shuffle. Thrash around in your room with the door closed and your fists clenched.
5. In the wise words of Anne Lamont, "The first draft of anything is s**t."
An awkward of sentence does not an unskilled young author make.
6. Enjoy other girls without envy.
Anoint each other with pastel nail polish. Female friendship baffles and bolsters even the most graceless teen.
7. Accept that they accept you.
No one is laughing at your clicking bracelets, your clacking metacarpals. You may live between ink blots and entropy, but you are seen and heard. Pay attention to conversations. Contribute. Care.
8. Don't punish yourself.
Not all wanting wanes wanton.
9. Save the notes you and your friends pass each other in English composition.
The inside jokes will always leave you with a mouthful of finally.
10. Eat lunch.
You forget the redundancy of the hunger strike. You are 76 pounds with sub-zero jeans. No one is going to laugh at you for eating a cracker. Eat the peanut butter, too.
11. Cherish.
Love every laugh, every memory of light and matter.
