I was on the verge of my first mental breakdown of my junior year in college the other night and I come across a quote on the app VSCO that said, “I pray whoever is reading this, that every ounce of anxiety and discouragement be taken away. May God comfort you with His love.” I read it over and over and over and even made it the background on my phone because to my surprise, by reading those two sentences changed me. I hesitated to write about this because I always feel awkward talking about my beliefs because I don’t really know much about Jesus. I always thought I did because I grew up in church, my dad was a deacon, my mom is an amazing Christian woman, and by now I should know exactly what I believe in, but I don’t. I have not been to church since I have been in college so Jesus isn’t someone I am familiar with anymore. Occasionally I would come across a scripture that caught my attention, like Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything” which at the time I thought was rather odd because I read it as a demand. Not a simple demand at that, but things have changed and I think I was wrong about that passage and I’m sure many other things that have to do with this whole religion thing.

A few weeks ago I started talking to Jesus. I started praying every night in hopes He would help me turn my life around. I want Him to help me do better in school. I want Him to help me build better relationships with the people in my life. I want Him to help me become a happier person. I have been and am continuing to ask Him for a lot and I honestly think it is working. I’ve never had Him “speak to me” or “felt his presence”, but I have had things happen these past few weeks that I believe are because of Him. Someone told me that when you start to truly believe in Him and trust Him with what you are asking, then He would not fail me with what I am asking him to do for me. With prayer comes responsibility to follow through when what He is giving me in life. Like I said, I started praying only a few weeks ago and since then I’ve gotten outstanding grades, two internship opportunities, a job opportunity, and had been finally sleeping through the night. Jesus works fast apparently. It honestly confused me that all these good things were happening to me.

So then I started to think...am I really worthy of all these things? Did Jesus really answer these prayers or is it just a random coincidence? I barely “know” Jesus or God or who ever it is that I am talking to in my head each day. As I was overthinking, like I always do, I stopped and looked at the background on my phone. “I pray whoever is reading this, that every ounce of anxiety or discouragement be taken away. May God comfort you with His love.” I am going to keep embracing His love because so far, it is working out pretty great for me. Who knows, maybe I will even go to church.