Lately, I have felt like I am hitting a wall. I just feel so bleak, and my headspace is completely messed up. I couldn't figure out why for the longest time. I realized I was not really just sad, but I felt lonely. I didn't know how to go about this, honestly. It wasn't the typical loneliness you immediately think of. I had people around me, yet I felt more alone than I had in a while. I know there are reasons this wave of loneliness came upon me, I just was shocked at the initial realization of it.
For a while, I had been missing my family and I think that's where this started. College is hard, especially when it's busy because no matter how many friends you have around you to talk to, nothing is quite like not having your parents around. This was the longest I had gone without seeing anyone from my family, and it was taking a toll on me. There was also a deeper seed of loneliness that was brewing, and it didn't just come from missing my family.
This loneliness was a war I was having with my own mind.
My mind has been so jumbled and honestly just dark lately. I cannot shake the feeling that I am a burden. When I think logically, I obviously know that that isn't true. However, your mind really can make you feel like you're everything you don't want to be. My mind made me feel burdensome, so I just started slowly shutting people out without realizing what I have been doing. This has caused me to build up every thought in my head that I should talk to someone about and wallow in my self-made loneliness.
It's been a rough couple of weeks. I have learned that loneliness can happen to anyone in any situation. It's OK to admit you're lonely. It's a natural human instinct to be lonely. However, do not let yourself get to a point where you are wallowing in your own loneliness. You can talk to people. As scary as it might be, I know that there are people out there that will not think of you as a burden and will be there for you no matter what. Loneliness will happen to anyone and everyone, it's OK if it happens to you. However. know that there comes a point when you need to reach out to someone.