I have made it through being at college for a solid two weeks now. Two weeks of dealing with change, meeting new people, managing classes, and so much more. All of this has been hard, and challenging but I would go as far to say the hardest thing that I have been processing is the feeling of not being known.
This past weekend I spontaneously was able to go back to my second home, where they have a fair each year around this time and all my family and our family friends go up for the weekend. The thought of going somewhere familiar was like a breath of fresh air and I was so very excited to, yes, see my mom. I was overwhelmed with joy at the thought of being surrounded by people who knew me, who loved me, who I didn’t have to prove I was worth being friends with. When I got there I was greeted with smiles and hugs and “how is college?” questions and it felt so refreshing to be cared about genuinely. Over the weekend, I was able to have deep conversations about where I was at, people prayed over me and my time in college, I laughed with old friends -- I felt known.
This got me thinking about my previous weeks away from home, how lonely I felt. I would go as far to say that most all of us freshmen are going through all the same things but why does it still feel like we are alone in all of it? It seems to me that it is because each of us doesn't feel known, people don’t know your best qualities, they don’t know your worst, they don’t know what you’re passionate about, what makes you furious, what you need when you’re sad, or what makes you smile. No one around you knows the most beautiful inner parts of you and that is an overwhelming transition when you are used to being surrounded by people who know you deeply.
So how do we begin to truly love people well by knowing them? Questions. Intentionality. Time. How does anyone get to know another person? Well, you ask questions, but I’m not just talking about the typical, “where are you from?” or “what’s your major?” questions, because I have been asked those countless times and I feel no closer to anyone than I did before them. I’m talking about deeper questions. People feel loved when you choose to spend time with them, so let’s start being intentional and take someone out to coffee and ask those deeper questions. Get to understand someone’s family, how they grew up, what has made them who they are today. The sooner we begin to invest in others we will build relationships where we feel mutually known. The better you know someone, the easier it is to love them well and as Christians what does God call us to do? Love one another. So if we are already doing it, why don’t we do it well?
Let’s start being intentional and not settle for shallow relationships. Let’s be a community that seeks to love and encourage and build one another up, because who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?
