So you feel like giving up.
Let me first say you are loved by more people than you know, and this feeling is temporary, I promise. I know it feels like things will never get better, but before you know it, you’ll feel happy again -- and not just a quick glimpse of happiness, but full happiness.
I know its hard to look around and see everyone around you thriving and happy, because you don’t understand why you don’t feel like them. Nothing is wrong with you, and you’re certainly not broken, but sometimes people brains just work a little differently.
I was 13 years old when I was diagnosed with clinical depression and an anxiety disorder, and weirdly, this diagnoses was the first time I felt hope in months. Prior to receiving treatment (yes, there is treatment for depression), I felt alone and sad, even though I was surrounded by people who loved me. I couldn’t focus on school and all I wanted to do was lay in bed all day. At one point, I was missing around three days of school a weak just because I could’t get myself up. My parents would try to get me to go and I would scream and shake, sometimes digging my fingernails into my scalp because I was so distressed.
I hit rock bottom when I was sitting in my room, deciding whether I could take it anymore. I didn’t know if I wanted to continue living anymore. I was looking for something in my room to end my life when my mom walked in and asked me if I was OK. I immediately broke down and told her how I was feeling. After this, we went to the doctors and set up therapy sessions for me.
Although getting help seemed impossible, it really wasn’t. I felt like if I told someone about how I was feeling, they would think that I was crazy -- but they didn’t. People in my life responded with love and comfort. Something my mom tells me when I’m having a bad day is, "I know it feels like it will last forever, but it won’t. You will get through it and feel happy again.” This is something that always comforts me, so when I am feeling bad, I let myself feel bad but then I move on, trying not to wallow in my sadness. It is hard to move on sometimes, but you will get better at letting go as time goes on.
I can’t imagine what would have happened if my mom didn’t come into my room when she did. I do know if I had gone through with it, I wouldn’t have met all of the friends who have changed my life, all of places I wouldn’t have traveled to, all the crazy experiences I wouldn’t have had. If you are struggling, please get help. It won’t feel like this forever. One day you will be 18 and at college and be so thankful you didn’t give up.
Trust the girl who has been through it.
Here are some resources that could help:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
