2017 has not been my year, to say the least. It has been filled with death and grief and tears and it's only been two months. I've seen a lot of death of those around me; I feel like every time I scroll through my Facebook feed, someone else has lost a grandparent or an aunt or uncle. It's awful, and it only makes me miss those that I have lost more.
And so I found myself grieving in unhealthy ways: thinking about what if scenarios, thinking about the last things I said to them, crying by myself and not telling anyone, napping a lot, overeating, not wanting to talk about it. And I found that I was miserable, and I knew I had to change something.
So I started exercising more, and sitting outside rather than in my room, and talking more. I realized that the more I was around other people and interacting with other people, the better I felt. I realized that it wasn't about trying to forget or get rid of the pain I felt, but about living with it and becoming a better person because of it. Life is about living, not about forgetting.
So at the end of the day, I try to think of the positive things in my life, and what I get to look forward to this year. My cousin graduating from college, celebrating the wedding of one of my best friends, and a trip I have planned for the summer. I think of all of the amazing people that are still in my life, like my grandma and my aunts and uncles. I think of all of the new life that is being created, in my family and outside of it. And then I know that everything is going to be okay.
No matter how much it hurts, I know that I still have plenty of reason to live, and plenty of ways to honor those that I lost.
No matter how much I wish they were here, I know that they are happier now, and they knew how much I loved them.
Just remember to hug those you love a litter tighter and a little longer. And know that you will get through this, with time, and with all of the love and support from those that are grieving with you.
