In an age of tinder pickup lines and snapchats, it's hard to really get a grasp on the new social dating concepts. With younger adults using umbrella terms like "hookup" or claiming "we have a thing", how can one not have confusion on where they stand?
Let me clarify here:
There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality and making your own choices as long as they are safe to both you and your partner. There's also nothing wrong with not wanting to involve yourself intimately while dating.
BUT
There is something wrong in the games played with others emotions, especially while intimacy is involved. There is also something wrong with leading people on and lying on your stance with someone.
Throughout my collegiate career, I've heard plenty of complaints from both sides. Boys complaining that they "don't know why she's acting weird and emotional about this" and girls venting that they "just wish he could make up his mind about what he wants".
From hearing both sides- I've come up with a few tips and truths for all those participating in this new age dating process...
Take notes:
1. Not everyone is looking for a relationship although they may be intimate with someone. AND THAT IS OKAY. It is your right to choose whether you want to be in a titled relationship. What's not okay is telling someone that you are interested in pursuing a further relationship when you know that you aren't. Let them know where you truly stand, and let them make their own decision with that information. Maybe they'll stick around and try it out, maybe they won't- but it's not fair for you to play with their emotions making your partner think it's something that it's not.
2. They're acting distant and quiet because they don't know where you're coming from or what you're looking for out of your time with them. Silence usually means that it's pretty loud inside their head. If you want to know what's going on, all you've gotta do is ask. Give them a safe place for them to share their feelings, and be honest in your response back to them. Honesty is the best policy, after all.
3. When they say it's not you or anything you did wrong- THEY ACTUALLY MEAN IT. Sometimes people just aren't sure what they want to do, especially when in college while still trying to figure out who they really are. They may enjoy their time with you, but that doesn't mean they have a full understanding of what they're searching for.
4. Not all girls are delicate little flowers you need to protect and not all guys are emotionally detached cavemen. Just because it didn't work out with the last person you had "a thing with", doesn't mean you're doomed in regards to love and relationships.
5. If you don't want to be played, don't allow anything less than 110% honesty. You can't keep complaining that your current love interest isn't being real with you if you are constantly allowing them to treat you badly and get away with it by providing a "My bad, I'm sorry." Don't want mediocre treatment? Stop settling for it then. It's that simple.
6. Take it one step at a time, and only do what you're comfortable with. If it's not what you want, then don't be a part of it anymore. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and your Nemo is out there waiting for you.
I know it can be confusing trying to navigate relationships while we live in a society accepting of this hookup culture, but there are two golden rules that have stood the test of time...
TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED
and
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY
Leave the games for the children, be honest about what you want and what you're looking for- you might just find yourself surprised with how much drama dissipates and how much easier the college dating scene goes.
