I've flown a lot over the years, especially lately. I average being on about 8-10 planes a year, which has given me plenty of time to see and experience several mistakes throughout the boarding and flight process. So with that in mind, I'd like to go over a couple of tips I have for anyone who is flying.
A small disclaimer; all my flights have been domestic, and tips for international flights my vary drastically.
1. Arrive early
This should be an obvious one for everyone. You want to be at the airport in time to check your bags, fight through security, and find your gate with enough time left over to buy a Cinnabon, to perfectly wallow in your self-pity at the airport.
2. Bring a book
Bring a book, or game, or laptop, or something to keep you occupied so you don't end up reading the safety brochure six times.
3. Dress appropriately
The airport is a prime spot for people-watching, and you are going to be one of the subjects. Do not dress like you're white trash going to wal-mart. Dress smart, and functional. No one wants to wait behind you in the security line as you try to remove your ill-fitting dress shoes, belt, watch, hat, jacket, etc. Dress like you have a hot date that you know will end well, nice, and easy to take off.
4. Hurry up and wait
Yes, you do want to arrive at the airport early. No, you don't need to stand up as soon as boarding is called for your flight, especially if you are in group C. If you have assigned seating, then you are going to sit in the same spot whether you are the first person on the plane, or the very last. So calm yourself.
5. Just put your bag in a compartment
Your carry-on is not going to have abandonment issues if it is in the compartment 12 rows ahead of you. Don't walk all the way to the back of the plane, smacking everyone already seated in the head with your tote, then get upset with the flight attendant for telling you that your bag needs to be checked since everyone behind you took up all the spots you missed.
6. Check your carry-on for a full flight
If the person taking your boarding passes makes an announcement saying that you have a full flight and they will freely check any of your carry-ons to make more room, then take it up right away. Unless you have something fragile in your bag, let everyone else deal with lugging their bags around while you stroll to your connecting flight light as a feather.
7. Sit in the right spot
If you know that you have the bladder of the four year-old kicking my chair, then sit in the aisle. I don't want to have to get up every half hour because you wanted to look out the pretty window, but you also just can't resist chugging your Starbucks five minutes before we board.
8. Order ginger ale
There are many complimentary drink options available to you on your flight. There is only one correct choice.
9. Don't be an ass
Have some plane etiquette. If you are on the window, you get the wall armrest, and the wall to sleep on. If you have the aisle, you get the aisle armrest and some room to stretch your leg. If you have the middle, the next three hours are going to suck, but you get both armrests. These are the rules and any who defy them should be made to sit with all the screaming children.
10. Bring a snack
If you have a long flight, bring something to eat. A sandwich is fine as long as it doesn't stink. This food will make you feel better, plus it will give you something to do.
11. Don't buy the wifi
The only reason to buy the wifi on the plane is if your flight is going to be ten hours long, otherwise, you can live without seeing what that one guy you went to high school with is doing now on Facebook. Chances are, you probably already know depending on how he was back then. Getting his second B.S. in some field you don't even know how to pronounce, or drinking PBR with the same three guys he's been drinking with for the past seven years.
12. Be respectful
The flight attendants are here to make your flight more bearable, because we all know how miserable traveling in this flying bus is, but that doesn't mean you get to treat them like they owe you. If you snap at the attendant to get their attention, I hope they wheel that cart into your knee every time they go through.
13. Kids are kids
I know the crying two year-old is annoying, but if you yell at some random kid because you want it to be quiet, I will chuck the ice from my ginger ale at you. Parents, please try to control your monsters. I know it is difficult, but you'd be freaking out too if the walls were yelling at you and your ears wouldn't pop
14. Hurry up and wait again
We landed. Congrats. It's still going to take us twenty minutes to taxi to our gate, so sit down and shut up until we actually start getting off.
