The quality of music these days is debatable, but that doesn't make it any less entertaining. The music industry is known for producing mindless pop songs, but some lyrics will really leave you scratching your head. Here are the top eight songs that have us all wondering, "What were they thinking?"
1. "GDFR" - Flo Rida
Though I could have truly picked any part of this song to evaluate in weirdness, for some reason I landed on this small excerpt of lyrical genius. Let’s go line by line here.
“I could just roll up”
Classic line.
'Cause I'm swoll up”
Rap line or high school mirror pic locker room Instagram caption? We’re not sure.
“So that birthday cake get a cobra”
Personally, I would hate for a large reptile to be found in my birthday cake.
“Buggati for real, I'm cold bruh”
Not sure that a Buggati would solve your climatic needs, to each his own, though.
“Got the key to my city it's over”
#BigBrother
“It's no thots, only Anna Kournikova's”
I said rackets, ratchets hold up
(I said rackets, ratchets hold up)”
How rude (think in Jar Jar Binks voice).
2. "Birthday Cake" - Rihanna
*Please do not look up the lyrics to this song. Here are the only G rated ones that I will include.*
“Cake, cake, cake, cake
Cake, cake, cake, cake
Cake, cake, cake, cake
Cake, cake, cake, cake”
First off, this song was leaked and so was never finished so I want to give a little slack about how lyrically lame it is, but also, I just want to take a moment to congratulate Rihanna for making a song that is one minute and eighteen seconds long, but also says the word “cake” over twenty-five times. The song was a hit. I am speechless. Everyone goes straight bonkers when this song goes on. Also, this song is supposed to be provocative, but I want to reiterate that it says the word cake twenty-five times. Congratulations (*cue Drake song and voice).
3. "WOP" - J. Dash
I need to set the scene for you. It is close to 9:30 p.m., there is no water left, the kids around you are fading fast. People are sweating profusely as it is close to a hundred degrees at night. Lights and sound systems everywhere. Is that a strobe light? Who knows? Justin Beiber’s latest hit is fading from the speakers surrounding you. People are packed so close to you, you can literally feel their sweat dripping off of them onto you. Sunflower seeds and straw from hay barrels litter the floor around you.
You are at a camp dance. People are losing their minds. “What?” You say to yourself as the kids next to you being to notice their own drowsiness from a long day full of organic sugared, wheat bread, and under-sunscreen filled day. “Could possibly top hearing 'Baby' for the thirtieth time this summer?” You hear it. No. No. Not the…
**speakers** “Uh oh … uh ohhhh.”
**you** “No. Heavens no. no please no.”
**speakers in deep rapper Morgan Freeman voice** “Jay Dash, uhh ... ohhh…”
Something takes you over and you begin to dance. The fortieth, maybe forty-first time you have danced this way this summer.
The "WOP" continues. For three minutes and 20 seconds, you forget who you are and who your family is and all of your pride and everything you stand for. You have no idea where your hometown is or what your major is or where you are right now. You have blurry tunnel vision and the scene around you is seemingly blacked out. Your only concern is to correctly scream every lyric you have been subconsciously forced to memorize and dance the dance that has been engrained into your brain cells. Your limbs are moving and you are amazed to how because you don’t realize what you are doing. The end of the song approaches, you have no idea what time it is, or what time of day it is even though you have a shark watch with a Kavu strap glued onto your left wrist at all times. Then. Something happens. You involuntarily yell.
“Now I'm checkin shawty with a micro braids, hotta than a baby in a microwave."
You snap out of the trance. “Did I just wake from a nightmare or did I get slapped in the face?” You lock eyes with your co-counselor. What have you just said? Hotter than a baby in a microwave? Why did that just come out of my mouth? What have you just done? Who makes putting in a baby in a microwave into a lyric sung freely and danced too? Thank you, J Dash, thank you for blowing the minds of camp counselors everywhere.
4. "Fat Lip" - Sum 41
You’re outside, it is a sunny 75-degree day in the spring. Footballs are being tossed on the lawn, and you just whacked your head on a gate because you were ducking to avoid a frisbee that has just buzzed the side of your head. Blink 182 just ended and you’re really feeling the teen angst vibe that the house owner has surprised the street audience with. Next song starts out bumpin’ and you’re really feeling it. The guitar intro is absolutely killer and you proudly display the air guitar in which you have perfected throughout your twenty-one years of existence. “Fat Lip?” you think to yourself. “Angsty, a little dark, but I dig it.” Song continues. “Okay yeah a little more dark than I remember.” Still continuing… “Yeah I’m gonna remove this from my teen angst playlist now,” to eventually, “Is this considered scream-o?” The song starts winding down…
“You're on the hit list wanted in the telephone book.
I like songs with distortion, to drink in proportion.
The doctor said my mom should have had an abortion. “
Everyone grimaces and looks around in horrific panic at the same time. At once the same thought streaks through everyone’s mind: “What in the heck Sum 41?” People pack up and head out. Some change their name and move away and you never see or hear from them again. Vibe is dead. Vibe is over. Totally over. One hundred percent over. Darn you, Sum 41, darn you.
You immediately claim to have never heard the song before as you simultaneously delete them off your Spotify playlist and hope to goodness that no one remembers you belting the beginning of the song at the top of your lungs while bouncing around on the sidewalk strumming your air guitar for all to see. You leave. Embarrassed, awkward, mortified. You call it a night. It is 9:00 p.m. Basically feels like you’re back from a middle school dance. That is how you feel now.
5. “CoCo” - O.T Genasis
Here, we will take a similar approach to this song like we did “Birthday Cake”. I think this song amazes me more, though. Rhyming “I’m in love with the CoCo” with the incredible rhyme scheme sentence “I’m in love with the CoCo,” and finishing beautifully by rhyming with “I’m in love with the CoCo." Lyrical. Genius. Hey shout-out, though, this song is referenced every time someone purchases chocolate or Coca-Cola. The hook is killer. Killer.
6. “Photograph” - Nickleback
Here are two lyrical excerpts from separate authors:
Excerpt 1:
I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
Excerpt 2:
I won't do it.
I can't say it.
I won't chew it.
Very well.
Step this way.
We'll find another
game to play.
One of these excerpts are Nickelback’s lyrics, and one are Dr. Seuss’ lyrics. I'll let you decide which is which. I have no other justification. Cheers.
7. “Trapped in a Closet Chapter 7” - R. Kelly
Please never listen to this song. Please never listen to all 22 chapters of this song. Please do something (anything) else more meaningful with your life.
“Ooh, with a spatula in her hand
Like that's gon' do something against them guns
It's Rosy the nosy neighbor”
R. Kelly what were you thinking. I get it that this song (and all twenty-two chapters of it) tell a story, but seriously? This doesn’t even sound good.
8. “Give Me Everything” - Pitbull
“Me not working hard?
Yeah, right, picture that with a Kodak
Or, better yet, go to Times Square
Take a picture of me with a Kodak”
Honestly a big message to all of Pitbull’s music: what. I don’t get it. This doesn’t make sense and it doesn’t rhyme and honestly, the flow is off.
What I really want to know is whether or not Pitbull wrote this in his song before or after this Kodak ad was taken. However, joke is on me. While I am sitting here hating, this single has sold over 8.2 million copies.
man running in forestPhoto by 
