I've always been told I have crappy taste in guys. My mom has never really been a fan of who I have chosen to date, even though she has always been nice and respectful towards them. My youth pastor from high school that I am still close with, has given me the thumbs down repeatedly. My friends while they try to support me, have always told me that I deserve and could do better.
I'm not really sure where my criteria for choosing a guy to date stems from. The first guy I dated seriously started in high school. The pros? He could make me laugh, like serious tear forming laughs that make you not able to breathe and your abs get sore. He brought out my extrovert side, and helped me learn to not take life too seriously. He showed me genuine, carefree, exciting fun. He spoiled me. He would bend over backwards to make me happy. He was thoughtful, and made time for me. He really did love me with all that he had. The cons? He was extremely immature. He had anger issues which led to big blow up fights, getting physical once or twice (girls and guys, this is never okay). Insecurity issues where he would tear me and anyone else in his path down to build himself up. He was very verbally abusive (again so not okay!!). He was controlling to the point that I couldn't hang out with my friends, or really go anywhere unless he was right by my side. Close to the end of our relationship, I was forced into a lot of intimacy with him (just because you date someone does not mean you are obligated to do anything sexual or really anything in general that you do not want to do, period). He was jealous if anyone got my attention besides him. That went on for three years.
The boyfriend two, was a total one eighty degree difference from boyfriend one. I started dating him my freshman year of college. The pros? He was a gentleman. He opened every door for me, never let me pay for anything, waited for me to sit down first at restaurants, cooked for me, brought me coffee in bed, ya know all those basic gentlemanly things guys should do. The cons? That was it. We never had any sort of emotional connection. He wouldn't open up to me about anything. I barely knew anything about him it felt like. I'm honestly lucky he even told me he loved me. In our whole entire year of dating, he didn't call me. Not once did he pick up the phone and call to see how I was or how my day went. He was very self centered, and would much rather work out and play video games than pay any attention to me. He treated me like a child that he was babysitting, constantly talking to me like I didn't know anything. He had a very strong male dominant personality. I also could not trust anything he was doing on his phone, which took a big toll on my self esteem.
Boyfriend one and two gave me two totally different outlooks on each end of the boyfriend spectrum. Boyfriend one was very much so my best friend, but way too immature, and too overbearing emotional wise. Boyfriend two was such a gentleman but emotional wise, I got nothing from him. I realized that I needed to find some sort of happy medium. After four years of all of that though, I was emotionally and mentally exhausted.
I had basically thrown in the towel on dating for a while. I had this idea in my head that guys sucked. That whole Godly, loving, authentic relationship stuff you see with Thomas Rhett and Lauren or Sadie Robertson when she was still with her boyfriend, yeah I was convinced that truly didn't exist. I even jokingly told my mom I was going to get a sperm donor and have a baby all on my own so I didn't have to deal with a man. But wow does God work in amazing ways.
Through some guys I grew up in youth group with, and my old youth pastor, I met the guy I am dating now. You know that saying of "When you know, you know?" Yeah I thought it was a bunch of bologna too. But it's 110% true. He is the perfect mix of everything I could ever want in a man, and then some. He has characteristics that surpass my expectations. He is thoughtful to the extreme. He is selfless, and kind. Not only would he do anything for me, but he is an amazing servant to others. His heart continuously blows me away. He loves me better than anyone has tried to love me before, and the best thing yet? He loves the Lord more than he loves me. He takes the role as a leader in our relationship but not the condescending controlling "I'm the man so do what I say" way. He is sensitive to my feelings, and understands me to a depth that is so personal and deep, I swear he can read my mind. He is respectful of his parents, and I love to see the way he loves and cares for his mom. He is a hard worker. He is super smart. He is adventurous. He loves dogs (which is a must). He picks up the phone and calls me nightly. He sends me encouraging words and Bible verses. He balances my relationship with him and his friends well, and lets me have my time with friends. He trusts me. He doesn't just hear me but actually listens to what I say. We both strive to chase after God in every way. I can honestly say he makes me an all around better person. He has me wanting to go out of my way to make him feel loved, and special. He has helped me become a more understanding person, better listener and rational thinker. I could brag on him for days. My friends love him, my family loves him, and I'm sure if you met him, you'd love him too.
So when I say third times a charm, I mean it. God gave me boyfriend one and boyfriend two, to show me the extremes of exactly what I do not want, and then gave me someone better than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. My days of crappy dating are over, and thank The Lord for that! I am now a firm believer of Godly, loving, authentic relationships. Trust me when I say, "When you know, you know." God has someone out there picked especially for you. Don't settle. Don't compromise. Remember "Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince charming."