Those you know me know that I am a very sentimental person. Sentimental to the point where I keep every movie ticket, concert stub and fortune cookie fortune for the memories. Well, that might be bordering on hoarding, but that’s besides the point. The point being that I’m sentimental as hell.

I hit a new sentimental high (or low, it’s debatable). I was sitting alone in my dorm room Sunday night with two tabs open on the computer. The first tab was live coverage of the Super Bowl, where I was just watching for Lady Gaga’s performance. The second tab was on my family’s shared Google Drive folder of home movies. For some reason I thought a random Sunday night when I was alone in my room with the lights off was the perfect time to watch home movies.

First I watched my parent’s wedding reception video. A grainy video captures the mid nineties affair, floral wallpaper in the banquet hall and all. My parents were very young when they married. My mother was not even old enough to drink. Her glass flute was filled with sparkling, bubbling grape juice instead of fizzy wine. They were only a few years older then than I am now. I cannot even imagine getting married in less than two years like my parent’s did. Luckily it worked out for them, seeing as they just celebrated their twenty year anniversary. But I still have to call my parents to ask them things like how to write a cover letter and if I’m supposed to dry my jeans when doing laundry.

My first thought when watching the video was man, I really have to find a man. My mom was engaged at my age right now, meanwhile, I am confident in my assumption that I am the most single person out there. But this thought only lasted for a second.

I was quickly hit with a different feeling when I came across another old video of my little brother and I. He was still a squirmy, bright eyed baby and I was a stubborn toddler with messy ponytails. Now, my brother is at least a foot taller than me and a wingspan that is as long as I am.

Time is moving way too quickly, and I can't do anything about it. This is both frustrating and bittersweet. Damn you time, for moving so quickly but being so strictly non manipulative. I mean it would be pretty cool if you just let me go visit a couple days in the past. I promise I wouldn't mess with the fabric of time.

Watching those home movies caused me to be hit with the good old existential thoughts and questions, like there was a world before me and there will continue to be a world without me, that I am only a blip in the universe’s timeline, that time is only a concept but controls seemingly everything. You know, the usual. Isn’t questioning everything fun?

My siblings are growing up before my eyes. My parents send me pictures of my puppy who is growing more quickly than I can even comprehend. My friends and I are actually turning into adults. I'm having to make my own doctors appointments. I'm getting to the age when I'm having to make real life-changing decisions.

Being sentimental and aware of the continuous passage of time is not a fun combo. I guess this article isn't going to have a nice neat conclusion. This has been some scattered thoughts from yours truly, a sentimental sap.