My life has changed immensely in the past month or so. I can't say it's all been great, I did some things the wrong way and hurt some people in the process. A lot of people think poorly of me now, and I have suffered some judgment from my decisions. However, everything I did, and everything I continue to do has made me so much happier than I've been in a long time. And for once, I have realized that though other people are important, sometimes you need to take a step back and take care of yourself first.
My entire life I have been pretty much a walking door mat. I have let others walk all over me. I have let friends, family and others control my life in ways that I should never have. And though I know that they didn't all have bad intentions, it doesn't change the fact that I have been living my life based on what others thought I should do, not on what I wanted to do. It took a lot of self-reflection to come to this place too. It's taken a lot of space and alone time. It also has taken being surrounded by people who provided me healthy friendships and relationships that could allow me to grow and develop as myself.
My life is a bit of a struggle now. Things are kind of a mess and I'm trying to pick up the pieces. But despite all of that, I feel free. I don't mind that the future I always thought I would have has been changed. I don't mind that the people in my life are different now, or that I currently have no idea where I will be a year from now. I don't mind at all. Because this struggle is something I needed. I needed to lose myself in order to fully find myself. And though finding myself is still a process, I feel myself growing closer and closer to it every day.
So to everyone who has ever felt trapped, I have this to say to you. You can be free. Don't let other's expectations or opinions about you keep you in a place that doesnt make you happy. Don't let the way that society looks at you make you conform. Conforming isn't the answer. Being you is the answer. Being happy is the answer. Taking each day as a challenge to be your best true self is the answer. Of course keep other people in mind though. Don't be mean or cruel or treat others poorly. But also remember to take care of yourself first. If a person or a situation isn't making you happy, then don't feel obligated to stay with it/them. Figure out what will be best for you and go with it. I promise you that no matter what difficulties that choice may bring, in the end you will be much happier for it.
