One more year. Holy cow, where did the time go?
When I graduated high school I was ready; it was time, and I felt relatively prepared to become a college student. However, the transition from high school to college came with some complications like new friends, campus, activities, and city. All the new was kind of intimidating, yet manageable. It took some unexpected turns, but all the new eventually became my security. I’ve got my buds; I know my campus; I love this city.
And now, I’m not ready to let it go.
I have this feeling that there’s nothing past college that time should just freeze at 21. I can’t even slightly imagine what is going to come next. Seriously, what is going to happen? I need a fortuneteller to let me in on that information.
C.S. Lewis said, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” Well, I’ve found good things, Lewis, but I’m frightened as hell to leave them behind. Except I keep forgetting something, I am not leaving them behind. Yes, I might move out of Knoxville, make new friends, and (fingers crossed) have a “big girl” job, but I will bring my memories with me. I cannot let go of this place. It has taught me way too much to it leave behind completely. There have been moments of great fun, learning, and even moments of embarrassment and real college struggles.
Although I will bring these moments through the next chapter, it’s encouraging to think that there will be new embarrassments, fun, learning, and real adult struggles soon to become my next security. These new moments are sure to be followed by new forms of complications. Given that as of now I am jumping into the real world not knowing what career path I will take, or where I will be living, it’s got to come with some interesting situations. I’ve made it this far, so I can make it through these next stages of complications and situations, right? Somehow I will figure it out. I don’t know what to say about it really; I don’t have nuggets of wisdom to offer about moving forward in the future, although I wish I did.
This current stage of confusion is a pain; I want to figure it out, I want someone to just give me the first job I apply for, I want someone to just give me the answers, I want to know whether I will be writing grants, books, articles, or something completely separate from any of that. I also want a dog, but I know that’s not a good idea right now. I have absolutely no idea what I want to happen or what needs to happen, but I know He’s got my back, and I know I will figure it out.
I’m just a soon to be graduate hoping for a career that fulfills me for the through the hours of 9-5, and maybe inspires others along the way. But for now, I still have one more year of memories to be made here at UT accompanied by this daunting stage of bewilderment.
