It wasn’t only cold sores – it was the trifecta – a tongue/throat/and ear infection. They say three’s a crowd, but unless you’ve experienced all three of those infections at the same time, I doubt you know how large of a crowd three can really be.

This party of infections left my tongue swollen, my lips swollen, my throat swollen and sore, my ears achy, and my overall energy and self-esteem very low.

I say self-esteem because 12 cold sores… enough said.

The worst part, I didn’t only feel like total crap, I was obscenely self-conscious and grossed out with myself. How could my mouth - my sweet, clean, well-nourished mouth - turn against me like that?

The doctors didn’t think 12 cold sores was odd or serious enough to be worried about, leaving me with 4x the normal three-person crowd to live, breathe, and inhabit my mouth for as long as they please.

I could hardly talk, I could hardly swallow, and I could hardly eat. The occurrence of my trifecta infection left me unable to consume solid food for a week. Yes, an entire week.

After the week of smoothies, yogurt, ice cream, and very thinly sliced pad thai noodles, I am left wondering one thing (besides how in the heck one gets 12 cold sores in the first place): how do people force themselves to do juice cleanses, smoothie diets, and any other bizarre liquid diets?

I mean, I was starving! Naturally, I was already cranky because some strange flu-like infection had taken over my body and bacteria were taking up residence in my mouth at a disturbing rate. However, what made me the crankiest was how hungry I was.

I kid you not, I would wake up, drink as much water as painlessly as I could and get two smoothies at a time, one for breakfast and one for lunch. Then, when dinner time rolled around, I would overcook noodles or make some soup I didn’t really like and try to ignore the stabbing and splitting sensation that overwhelmed my tongue any time it moved.

Then, about a few hours after dinner, I would shamelessly make someone go get ice cream with me.

And that was my routine. For a week. Without solid food. Smoothie, smoothie, the softest foods I could find, ice cream.

Honestly, the ice cream part wasn’t so bad at all. Ice cream is my fave so I didn’t mind it. Plus, the lack of food during the day made me feel not as bad about consuming an indulgent food that is mostly fat and sugar. Plus, there was the “I’m sick” excuse which is always valid.

But still, I won’t lie and say not being able to eat solid food was enjoyable because it 100% was not. Neither was being constantly hungry, in pain and self-conscious of my swollen and infested tongue.

If you’ve ever had this experience, I truly feel sad and hungry for you. If you haven’t, I pray to all that is good that you never do.

But if you do, eat your ice cream and sip your milkshakes with freedom and pride, because hey, at least you have that going for you.