Oh Yoga (or should I say, Om): The hippy cousin of the fitness family. It's summer time and that means that people are trying hard AF to recover from their "winter bodies."
If you are anything like me, then your "winter body" is also your "spring summer and fall body." (What can I say? Im consistent.)
But there is something about the summer air that gets one feeling a certain way about working out. Maybe because you are finally de-thawing from that nasty b**** as known as winter or maybe because you just saw yourself in a bikini for the first time in a year and you regret it all (even though you are totally fabulous and have nothing to regret!). Either way, you start thinking about getting back into shape and start being "healthy" again.
Then you remember your cool vegan friend that who does yoga all the time is in great shape and you want to be just like her so you think: "Yoga, okay yeah I can do that." *Voiceover Guy from Jane the Virgin* "Little did she know that she could NOT in fact do that." Here are thoughts you may have during your first Yoga class.
1. "Thank goodness the instructor reminded me to breathe, otherwise I would have probably keeled over at this point."
2. "Are we breathing or speaking Parseltongue? I shall channel my inner Harry Potter. Haaasaaaaetttthhhhhhsnnnnnamastebitches."
3. "Okay this teacher is totally making up words."
4. "Why is the older people in this class way better at this than me. How is that lady getting her leg in that position while I'm over here looking like a hot mess?"
5. "Did anyone just see me eat sh** while trying to balance? They are all looking at me here in struggle city."
6. "Of all the days, why did I choose today to eat that burrito for lunch."
7. "Namaste. More like NamaSTAY away from my booty right now unless you want your eyes to water."
8. "I have never been more clenched in my life than I am at this very moment."
9. " Okay does this woman not have any bones? Like, is she made out of the same dough used to make pretzels? She is a human pretzel. Ooo pretzels sound good right now. Maybe I will grab some on my way home... No focus."
10. "Ah, wow I am so relaxed. I am going to live healthy and do yoga and just be a better person."
*Voiceover guy from Jane the Virgin again *
"And in this moment, she knew she was once again lying to herself."
Did anyone else think these thoughts while "practicing" yoga for the first time? No? Just me? Okay cool.
