"New year, new me." I say to myself for the fifth consecutive year. "But this year I really mean it." Of course I do.

With the start of a new year comes the symbolic writing of New Year's Resolutions. Why symbolic you ask? Because chances are you'll never actually get around to accomplishing most of what's on your list and it will end up rolling onto next year's list. Although this may be true, doesn't mean I don't put a substantial amount of effort into making my list each year. It can prove to be a difficult process, and here's what goes through my mind while I'm doing it:

New year means fresh start.

I have so many personal goals I better write them down on patterned stationary

You know, so I don't accidentally forget to be healthy

For the entire year

Again

But this year's gonna be different

I'm going to take this list seriously

I'm actually gonna go to the gym five days a week

Ok maybe three

But I'll take the stairs instead of the elevator

Close enough

And no more fast food

But Chipotle doesn't count

Alright this is hard-I feel like I should start smaller

Let's move on to mental health goals

Because writing "be happy" is totally going to force me to improve my mood

If it's on the stationary it becomes law

I should probably start putting myself out there more

You know, join some new clubs, meet some new people

Man I'm gonna get so much more involved this year

Can't forget about schoolwork though

I'm definitely gonna focus more on that

But how will I have enough time?

Between working out all the time and getting involved?

Somewhere around here I start getting really overwhelmed and realize I've made a terrible mistake.

I'm starting to think this list was a bad idea

No, I have to finish this

I can't start the year off half-assing something

NEW YEAR, NEW ME

Wait...am I just making this list to put off doing actual work?

No it's going to help me be better

Oh-can't forget about getting eight hours of sleep

(per week maybe)

What if I start low and just go to bed before the sun comes up?

And maybe even wake up before noon on weekends

Or maybe not

Ok, I think we're done here for now

2016 is gonna suck