As I approach the moment I finally say my vows to my fiancé in 35 days (but who’s counting, really?), I have had a lot of time to reflect on our culture’s approach to weddings. Namely, weddings are seen as a goal to be accomplished rather than a the first step on a (hopefully) long journey with your partner. As soon as I got engaged, people began asking me a host of questions regarding the wedding ceremony and reception. When will it be? Will it be outside? What flowers are you using? What are your colors? Have your gotten your dress yet? And that’s just the start of it. Those things are good — weddings can be really exciting to plan and they are a chance to show the world you and your partner’s personalities. But a wedding is just one day… marriage is for life.
People find it odd that I am required to go through pre-marital counseling in order that my Presbyterian minister will perform the wedding. They find it odd that I have homework assignments, readings and interviews I have to conduct for my counseling sessions. They find it odd that I was not able to write my own vows or have much of a say in what is said and read at the ceremony. And they find it odd that I am completely complacent in all of this. But I find it odd that to others, it is more important that I pick a good color scheme than it is to prepare myself for a lifetime of commitment to another person.
What I am about to do is terrifying. At any minute, my fiancé can commit adultery. He could murder. He could become a paraplegic. He could be infertile, and we might face a life of never having kids of our own. He could waste away our savings on a bad habit. And I could do the same. But at the end of the day, we have committed ourselves before God to stay with one another. To be patient with the other’s shortcomings. To bear the burdens that come in marriage. And that’s not just for a few years — no, that’s until “death do us part.” If that doesn’t scare you, you don’t understand marriage.
I assume what I am saying is falling on deaf ears amongst the majority of my audience. But for those that still believe marriage to be a holy covenant between two people, I hope that you might see marriage as the goal, not the picture-perfect wedding. Being husband wife is a commitment that lasts until one of us dies. A wedding is just a day in our lives. Therefore, rather than obsessing over the tiny and inconsequential details of the wedding, focus on praying for my fiancé and I to understand what we are about to do. That our love for one another might grow with time and become stronger with every obstacle we face. That we prepare our hearts for facing the rest of our life together as husband and wife… not the one day where we will be the bride and groom.
