An anonymous author named Jack wrote a book called Jack’s Blowjob Lessons. Jack also has a blog which annoys me almost as much as the title of his book does. Jack’s blog makes me sad. Why, Jack, in 2016 are we still telling women they need to cook a man a steak so he falls in love with them? I’m a great OK cook. Hopefully, one day, this will score me a mediocre man who will love me till the end of time. One can only hope.
Lucky for me and the people who have to spend time with me, I have not read (and do not plan on reading) Jack’s little book of tips, keeping my annoyance at a bitter, yet manageable level. However, I would like to discuss the key points of my annoyance. I hear talking about it helps.
1. If a couple has reached the point in their relationship where they become sexually active, they should have also reached a level of comfort and maturity. They should be able to discuss their preferences, both inside and outside the bedroom, without the help of an anonymous eBook.
2. The reviews. Allow me to quote just two.
“It also has helped our relationship and we aren't fighting as much anymore.” – Kathryn, Seattle
Dear Kathryn from Seattle. Just a thought here. If your relationship’s fighting was fixed because you read an eBook about giving blowjobs, I think you have a bigger issue. I think after the magical blowjob buzz wears off the fighting may begin again. Just maybe. But just in case magical blowjobs did fix your tumultuous relationship, congrats. Yay you. Make sure you remember to invite Jack to your wedding.
“I love it. I love it so much that I want to call my boyfriend right now and just give him a blowjob.” – Laura, NYC
Laura. I don’t know what lessons are in this book, but I’m impressed you’ve learned to administer blowjobs over the phone. I have to say, I feel like this skill is fairly marketable. You may want to consider teaching this valuable life skill to other women. So we can all please our men without physically needing to be there. Oh, the possibilities.
3. The not so vague insinuation that blowjobs are such an important (even make or break) part of a healthy, adult relationship. This is not the case I promise. As someone who is not frequently a part of successful, adult relationships to be any sort of actual authority on the subject, I speak from a place of hope. Hope that I won’t spend my adult life buying eBooks on how to please my man in hopes we stop fighting and live happily ever after. I had a subscription to Cosmo when I was in high school, isn’t that enough?
I wonder what the women (if there are any) in Jack’s life think about his book. Maybe Jack remains anonymous because he doesn’t want his mother to know how he spends his free time. If that’s the case, then I get it, Jack. I’d probably be embarrassed too.
