Thoughts From The Bathroom

My roommate from this past summer, being the wonderful weirdo that she is, would always rejoin the conversation after a trip to the john by saying, “thoughts from the bathroom!” With a grin on her face, she would list off three or four things she noticed or thought about while upon the porcelain throne. As a display of homage to this eccentric friend of mine, I spent the past week asking people if they had any lingering thoughts or anything noteworthy to say after exiting the bathroom.

“ I sat on the toilet so long watching vines, when I got up I fell over because my legs were spaghetti from all the time I spent laughing at vines while pooping.”

“My life is probably going down this toilet with everything else.”

*looks through crack* *makes eye contact* “Hi Susan.”

“Great now I have to wait for her to leave..”

“I like their shoes!”

“Bro is wearing white socks and flip flops? Must be Stav.”

“Someone else just boldly poops and I’m like, ‘You go Glenn Coco!’”

“If I just boldly take a poop, will everyone recognize it was me by my shoes?”

“Why is this tampon wrapper louder than a freaking jet engine?!”

“Damn, that was a good workout. I definitely don’t need to do abs later.”

“Ugh no one’s changed the posters in here. Now what do I read?”

“I silently judge all the people that leave the bathroom without washing their hands.”

“Yep. I’m regular.”

If I have gained anything from this experiment, it’s that it is extremely entertaining to watch your friends reactions when you casually ask, “so any thoughts from the bathroom?” At the end of the day, there’s actually a lot of commonality between the things each person thinks about while on the commode: often my friends would cackle after such a conversation as they screeched, “Oh my god I had the same thought yesterday!” Let’s face it, we all need some comic relief to make it through the week sometimes and everyone gets a kick out of bathroom humor.