Growing up with parents who started their lives so young, they always pushed me to get past doing things for myself and THEN working on finding someone for me. Through elementary (obviously) and middle school, I was never allowed to actually have a boyfriend, let alone really talk to any guy. In fact, I didn't get text messaging on my phone till I was about 13 or 14 and when I talked on the house phone, my mom thought I couldn't hear when she joined the line snooping on my conversations. For the duration of most of my high school career, I never looked to settle down, meanwhile, all my friends thought they were meeting the love of their lives, one guy after another.
At the end of the day, I had to focus on me. I thank my parents for this mindset because, in reality, I was so focused on achieving things for myself and being able to make it to college, get a degree, a good job, etc., that I never allowed a boy or relationship to sidetrack me or pull me in another direction. That leads me to my main point of this article.
I always thought, "what could be so wrong with finding someone and doing life WITH them"? I was so acquired to hearing that people who got into serious relationships or engaged at such a young age failed in life, that I started to preach it; and it wasn't what I really personally believed. Through every bullshit relationship, I was a part of, I asked myself many questions about who I was with and tried picturing a future with them. We're naturally built and raised to wonder who our life-long partner will be, everyone does it. Asking myself these questions, every guy I dated was like a big X on Family Feud.
Having parents who are divorced, I was also led to believe for a while that love is rare and it's common for people to get divorced, separated, not last, etc. I feel as if I never had a prime example as to what love is because it was usually in shambles at home. This scared me so much when it came to relationships, that I usually Pushed people away. I was closed off and unsure of the world around me because I didn't want to get played, lied to, betrayed, fooled, etc. I didn't expect to meet the love of my life at 15, 17, 25, 28, but I especially didn't expect to meet him at 20.
With this mentality drilled into my mind by not only what my parents told me but through what witnessed at Home, I was telling myself I didn't want to get engaged, married or have kids till I was past My 30's. I was bitter about love, couples, and relationships. All I have to say about that is 1. It's stupid to put so much stress on the way you plan your life because no one knows what tomorrow has in store for you, 2. Life is too short, and 3. When you know, you know.
On July 30th I got engaged to someone who brings out the best in me, a part of me that I thought did not exist. Someone who makes me laugh whenever, wherever, especially when I decide to get sassy and have an attitude. Someone who rather than pointing out my flaws, has the patience to address when I'm doing something uncalled for. Someone I can talk to, trust, cry to, dance with, sing with, bring to my family and everything clicks just like a puzzle. There's no way I can possibly address everything I feel for my fiance or how he satisfies everything I look for in a partner, and I know this is only the beginning of learning more about each other.
On July 30th of 2018, Victor dragged me out of bed half asleep at 5:40 AM to go watch the sunrise. Why he wanted to, I didn't understand but I knew it would make him happy if we did, so with drool on my cheek, we went for a walk in pajamas. It was silent on the way there, something rare to find in the chaotic city of Paris. He got down on one knee in front of the Eiffel Tower, pajamas and all, and made me the happiest I have ever been within the span of 3 seconds. I choose to live now, trust my gut, and grow individually with the person I love right by my side.
