Father's Day or as I like to call it... pretending it's just another day. For the fatherless on Father's Day, it really just is like any other day, but a day where you are constantly reminded of what you don't have. We all have a father obviously because of biology, but many of us don't have one that is there. Maybe he left before you were born, maybe you never even knew him, maybe you are estranged or like me he passed away. Now, this is not a sympathy article; I am not fishing for your pity or condolences. I just want to discuss what it's like being fatherless on a day that is dedicated to all fathers.
On this Sunday we will wake up and feel like it is just a normal day, but in reality it isn't. Now that we are all so hyper-obsessed with social media and the need to share a picture and a message about our lives on days of appreciation; Mother's Day, Siblings Day, you name it, we share it. You may feel sad, angry, indifferent, or just numb when Sunday approaches depending on your relationship to your dad. Usually I feel a little bit of all these on Father's Day as the day drags on and whether I am at a family cookout, work or whatever; I'll look around and see people out with their dads, stepdads whomever and little ting of jealousy will hit me. Not that this jealousy isn't unwarranted, but it surprises me still. Even when my dad was alive, I don't remember spending a lot of Father's Days with him, but when I was younger, I would think, "Maybe when I get older, I will understand dad more and we will put our shit aside and have a better relationship, and maybe get to spend this day together." Well even though that is too late, I know there are others who I could recognize during this day that are not my father but have been like one to me.
First I really do need to thank all my uncles. Uncle John, Uncle Tom, Uncle Kevin and Uncle Gary, although I may not see you guys as often as I did when I was younger, thank you for stepping up in my father's place to part some wisdom or a funny story-- really anything onto me. I appreciate it more than you really know. And although it may not seem like it everything you have said to me has always been with me.
Second, are the two people who have been the father figures to me for the majority of my life. Mike and my big brother David, thank you for being there when I really needed you and thank you for always being there. Dave thank you for stepping up and being the best big brother, a friend, and sometimes the fatherly figure I very much needed. You have always been there and I love you so much. And Mike although you and mom are no longer together I know I can always count on you for anything I need whether it is moving me out of my freshman dorm room to just hanging out and getting something to eat. You came into my life around the same time as my father passed and you along with everyone else has helped fill in for that part in my life.
The last person I need to thank is my mom. She really does not get all the appreciation that she deserves and I know I have not always been the easiest daughter to have, but she really is the best mother/father I could ask for. She raised me and my brother all by herself, being both the mother and the father in a family can be very difficult and although she may not be perfect at least she did her job and was here for me and my brother. And I know she always will be.
For those of you who are fatherless on Father's Day, allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel but know that there are always people in your life that can be recognized as helping to fill the void of not having a father.
For those of you who are lucky enough to have a father on Father's Day, know how truly lucky and fortunate you are, but please don't rub it the faces of the people who don't.
Happy Father's Day to all who it applies to. Hopefully June 19th will be a good day for everyone.
