"Life throws you curve balls; you need to know which ones to hit." - Robert Griffin III, Cleveland Browns Quarterback

I've had a tumultuous 12 months, dating back to last year. November 2015 was the start of all the mess-ups I've had in that time frame leading up to this point. It had been slowly but surely eating away at me. I've messed up in multiple phases of my life. I messed up the interview process for landing potential full-time job opportunities, I messed up relationships by the way I have behaved towards other people, as a patchwork effort to keep up with the guys of the world who are my age. I haven't always treated people well, and I've lost friends because of that. I've also told those closest to me about my plan of action if it didn't get better soon.

5. I'm thankful for being in graduate school.

My road to graduate school is not what I initially had planned to do. I didn't plan to go to graduate school. I was going after what I wanted to get, which was that elusive first full-time opportunity. Everybody in my immediate family, aside from me, had already cleared that hurdle. I was the only one who hadn't cleared it yet. The hurdle is so high to leap over that once you're past it, it's hard to turn back just to bring a buddy over the top. . You might just fall back yourself and have to try all over again and it's harder since you have to carry another person with you. I'm the one who finishes last in my family despite the effort to not be the runt.

4. Graduation from College!

I am so happy that I Hail from the best university in the world! I knew that I was going to complete this journey of four years with two majors, two bachelor's degrees, and a whole lot of joy. There are about 10 thousand students who graduated from college along with me and we all did it. Here's to going on to bigger, better things. We know where I'm at now, but we're all on our own paths and missions.

If you reconsider the introduction, I have hit too many curve balls on job opportunities that I went for and I've struck out. I'm 1 for my last 40. That's a 0.025 batting average. It's paltry. I had, and sometimes still have, a hard time accepting that I don't have to follow the path that I see all of my friends following (full-time job out of college) and seeing them make it big in their field. I also had a hard time accepting that you don't always have to try to fit in. A friend of mine told me, "If you have to force yourself to fit in, they're not worth it." Luckily I can fit in with the alumni of Michigan and say, "I'm one of us!"

3. My ambitions

Some of my ambitions include finishing and earning my Master's degree, working full-time, falling happily in love, getting married, and settling down. Admittedly, I've had a heavy heart over not fulfilling these yet, and some of these are more bleak of possibilities than others, and that's why I want to pursue them. The hurt I'm going through is taxing, and I'm all the more tempted to give up, despite the itch to keep pushing.

What's holding me back from the relationship component of this is I don't want a relationship where there's a lot of fighting and chaos. I'm afraid to open up certain parts of my life and my past since part of me knows that if she sees it, she will run for the hills. I have also lied about my relationship status to numerous people whom are close to me and fabricated stories about them They want updates on how my life is and I'll tell them a straight-up lie to make myself feel better about what I do or don't have.

I had taken a two-month break from applying to jobs and I only apply to one every two or three weeks now since I needed a release from all the rejection that just piles on the more I tried. I feel like I don't know how to give an interview anymore. I feel like I don't know how to speak in a way that I'm not messing up, pausing, and forgetting my words. I feel a bit lonely on this even though I know my past colleagues would be happy to hear from me.

2. I'm still alive.

I've given up numerous times since battling rejection isn't worth it. It's hard to just let it go. Even though I'm still alive, my heart is deteriorating. People say that applying for jobs is like dating, where to get the job (or the girl), you have to put in the effort. Sure, effort is required, and I'm aware of that, but the effort I put in just hasn't worked. I'm not going to question a decision, but a decision that I receive makes me question myself, if it is not in my favor. I question whether or not I'm worth it, or if anyone wants me to work for them or if I'm the one that is being desired. I fall flat on my face and break down because I put in the effort to get what I want and came up short. I haven't won a single one of those battles yet. The road to victory only gets harder because I'm approaching every new battle with a new scar.

1. H2O Church

I found what I was looking for when I started graduate school. I needed to get back to God. I needed Him. As a matter of fact, I still need Him. I had been out of the church for nearly four years and felt astray. I was wandering down the wrong path, and it's easy to do that. It's harder to get up the right path. But God eases that difficulty when I ask Him to guide me, especially through prayer and worship. It is still challenging but when I have God on my side and when I ask him to be there, the fight is worth battling. When He does something for me that I don't like, or something that I don't think is best for me, I just refuse to believe it's the fate that I'm facing. But being back in the church enables me to trust in the eternal love, and to trust in Him. It's made me become a happier person again. I'm always working on my happiness.

For these 5 things, I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!