Why it is worth it.

I am exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I wake up, go to my 18 hours worth of college classes, go to work, come home, study, and somehow find a way to fit some ministry work into that. But I am tired. I have lost some friends throughout this time in my life because I am just too busy. I have lost more than a few hours of sleep, but I have gain so much more than I ever could have imagined.

And no mom, I don’t mean my weight.

In my moments where I am exhausted to the point utter exhaustion, the Lord makes it so apparent as to why I am doing this. I am not going to school for myself. I am not working for myself. I am not spreading the gospel for my own glory. I am doing this so maybe for one split second, someone will finally get it. Someone will understand the weight of the gospel and what Jesus did for us. I do all of this so someone will choose Jesus.

I have chosen this hectic life so that the Lord can use me to lead others to the option to pick Him. It is tiring. It is more tiring than anything I have ever experienced, but I promise when all is said and done, it is also the most rewarding.

So Lord, here I am, a struggling, tired, worn out college student that is ready to fully surrender and live for nothing other than to glorify you.

This means I surrender in everything: walking to class, eating lunch, cramming at Starbucks, and even talking to customers at work. All of these moments are no longer my own, but instead Yours that you are letting me use to show your love and kindness.

But I cannot do this alone.

I pray that I constantly have you on my heart, because the moment the goal to constantly spread your word slips my mind, the worldly struggles will begin to take over. I know that you give your toughest battles to your strongest soldiers, and there is nothing on this earth that You will not bring me through. I pray that I have a community to hold me accountable in a way that will glorify You the most. I pray that though I have You constantly by my side, that I will not have to walk on this earth alone trying to battle my own sin struggles. Community is so important and without it, I could not be spreading Your word.

Finally, please talk through me this.

My words mean nothing. All of my stories and the advice I think I know so well because of my major will always fall short. It will always fall short unless they are Your words pouring out of me. Take control of all of my conversations and use them to show your beauty and love. Use my words and my struggles to show that you can be glorified through everything. Talk through me, because without You and Your son, I am just a person being sent to the grave.

God, I am tired, but you never are, and for that, I am thankful. I know that I will always be able to make it through.

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-18