I don’t break. Not really. Until I do.

I was 20 when I had my first real break. The one that I can’t fight, the one that I can’t hide from. The heartbreak that comes with the first real love; I was his until I wasn’t, and it taught me what it looks like to really feel, and to allow myself to really feel all of it – the sadness, the pain, the good moments, the love, the loss. Letting myself own it all, and not be ashamed for succumbing to the break. It was a fight that I had never faced before.

I’d always been the girl who could fix it, not feel it.

Fast forward a few years, and I’m still learning how to be okay with being anything but perfect, and strong, and unemotional. The difference now is that I have people in my world who aren’t afraid of my imperfections or flaws. I have people who love me by catching me, and as someone who is terrified of falling, that is a powerful thing.

It’s given me the freedom to explore my heart, instead of hide from it. It’s also given me the freedom to let things go, instead of bury them deeper and deeper inside of me. I’m allowed to feel pain, and I’m allowed to recover from it. I’m allowed to share it. It is allowed to have a life outside of my body, and outside of my mind. It’s also allowed to be dealt with, and put in the past, and left there.

My “people” also know when that break is coming… they remind me that I am safe, and I am loved. They remind me that they love me for the breaks, and the tempers, and the tears. They love me for the real parts of who I am, the pretty and fearless… and the messy and afraid.

It challenges me to love deeper. It inspires me to not only be okay with the less-than-perfect in other people, but appreciate it. It’s hard not to love someone when you know they’re story, when you know what life they’ve lived; what roads they’ve walked down.

I learn this from everyone I meet; I learn this from conversations I overhear. I learn this from the woman I talked to when I was waiting in line at Starbucks, and the guy who runs the snack bar at Target, and from the man we bought wood floors from at Lowe's. Glimpses into a million lives. A million lives who have overcome battles, and made mistakes, and done incredible things, and changed my life with a word or a look or a decision. I’m inspired by the people around me.

I love that we each have a different story, and they each come with good and bad… breaks and builds. It’s good to build, but it’s also okay to break… because sometimes, you have to break down in order to rebuild, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I had a break this week.

Instinct and fear screamed at me to keep it to myself; to hide myself behind that wall of protection. I got scared of the honesty it would demand of me, and I wanted to cower in the corner and guard my heart from the risk that comes with vulnerability. But you know what else comes with vulnerability in relationships? Love. And I have never felt more loved in my life than I did this week. The safety of breaking gave me the ability to rebuild. It gave me the courage to move.

I know that not everyone has “people” they break on. I know that I’m extremely lucky to have the support system I do, and have friendships that I trust and relationships I’m not afraid of. I hope you have them too; but if you don’t, I hope you create them. I hope you get real with the people who love you, and I hope you let them be real with you too. I hope you let them break. I hope you break into them, not because I want you to hurt, but because I want you to learn to trust. I want you to have relationships that have been tested and come through stronger. I want you to let yourself be strong because you're able to be weak.

I want you to know what it feels like to be safe when you break, and I want you to be a place for someone to rebuild. They are powerful parts of our stories, and there is strength in the way we own our flaws, especially when we do it together.