It has been two years since I last talked to you. You were always in the corner of the room, staring intently at the pen you held so tightly, your fingers turning red from the pressure you put on it. I met you at a point in my life where I remained unaffected; I was immature and didn't know the realities of life, even when I was faced with it. I met you in a classroom that day, but I never met the real you.

Last night, I opened up my Instagram only to see words I never wanted to see, a face of someone I did not know: It was someone who gave such a dark expression underneath a smile. I then remembered the way you held your pen so tight and immediately pictured hands that turned so red with pressure, except now, the object is not a pen nor is the pressure from your own doing. Now, we are not in a classroom, but in a reality that seems like a nightmare.

I wonder who I really met two years ago because right now, all I'm thinking of is how much I need you, of how much I need you to live.

1. I want to properly introduce myself to you.

I never really took the time to show you who I was. Maybe, that's the reason why you never showed me who you were either. This time, I want to tell you everything, even to my biggest fears, so maybe this time you would too.

2. I want to lend you another pen, one you do not need to hold so tightly.

I need you to stop putting all your effort on the holding on to the pen, and instead hold tightly to your life and to the smile I so fervently wish would be placed on your face permanently.

3. I want to apologize.

I want to apologize for not listening, for being ignorant of the fact that you were hurting. In every post and in every action that I failed to save you, I want to apologize.

4. I want to see you, alive.

I know that I may be just another face in the class, just another person who knows of you, but believe me when I say this: I want to see you alive, nothing else.

I need you to know that although we met in history, I don't ever want you to become history. I need you right here, in the present. Please, I beg of you.