1. Walls are thin and eventually around 3 a.m. on a Friday night, you will hear unpleasant sorts of noises you weren’t even aware the human body could produce.
2. “What’s your major?” and “What year are you?” will be two questions that you’ll get tired of hearing. If someone asks you this, walk away in displeasure.
3. A 76 percent is not a C. It’s an A-.
4. DO NOT be that pre-med major who is self-loathing. I don't want to hear about how you're a quadruple major and volunteering at three different hospitals while saving the world from cancer. Save it for AMCAS!
5. Your religious and societal morals will get challenged every second of your college career. There will be someone who will try and convince you that you’re going to hell: they're not nice people.
6. You can and will survive on crappy synthetic dining hall food that has no atrophy on your bodily functions and survival.
7. Getting a package in the mail is almost equivalent to winning the lottery. Your self-confidence depends on it. There is absolutely no shame in sending packages to yourself.
8. Avoiding vomit? Don’t take the elevators after 12 a.m. and let the girl hurriedly running past you cut the ID line.
9. You will meet people who write down every word of the slides that are posted online. They’re a lost cause and it's best you once again, walk away.
10. Flip flops possibly have a higher importance than shampoo and soap.
11. There will be people that enter the bathroom with only their socks on. Stay far, far, farrrrrrrrr away. And needless to say, do not enter their rooms.
12. Free shirts and pizza is everywhere. Take advantage of the blessing, my friend.
13. When playing "I never" don't feel bad if you haven't put down a finger. You're just a special unicorn.
14. Your values will either become stronger or lost. Be firm to what you believe in, but don’t be apathetic and definitely don’t be that kid that challenges every single thing someone says.
15. You will learn how to bullsh*t everything you say. Whether it's in class, on a test or on your resume, you will blow up “Panera Bread Associate” to “Artist of designing fine world class panini’s, excellence in toasting crisp, brown bagels for the communal patron, and mastery of the fine skill of cutting dough in otherwise uniform proportions.”
16. You slowly learn that guys are inherently testosterone-high, but girls are no less my friends. If you doubt, try talking to your floormates about how last night was with that random guy.
17. You will have to pick two between social life, academic life, and sleep.
18. If professors say it’s not on the exam, they’re liars. Get your ass to the library.
19. Eight-minute naps are real and for better or for worse, they probably won’t be on your bed.
20. People have different standards for personal hygiene and cleanliness. Don’t be friends with the girl that Febreeze’s her clothes and puts baby powder in her hair.
21. People that think that green tea makes up for a hangover are desperately sad.
22. Salmon shorts and vineyard vines shirts is the official logo of all frat boys.
23. Cockroaches are real and not just an exotic thing Discovery Channel makes up.
24. You do not have to drink to have fun. You will slowly learn that Netflix-bingeing with a Half-Baked Ben & Jerry’s ice cream bar is far more entertaining than a BYOB party address you get.
25. “I haven’t checked my email today” is a lie. All you do in college IS check your email.
26. There are girls that wear mini skirts and Victoria Secret baby dolls in minus 40 degrees. Yup, they’re just immune to hypothermia.
27. It's not a competition of who gets the least sleep. I promise you just sound like a high schooler when you tell me you pulled an all nighter and act like you should win a Nobel for it. Suck it up, it's college.
28. Call your loved ones. Mom and dad miss you and your pestering little sister suddenly becomes your confidante. Grandparents love it when they hear your heartwarming voice. Stay connected--can't emphasize this enough.
29. If the professor wrote the book for the class, you actually have to buy it.
30. It’s the only time in your life when you can wear gross sweatpants and a t-shirt everywhere without being judged.
31. Your parents pay for $50 a class. Don’t skip, even if it's an 8 a.m.!
32. College is the best four years of your life. Don’t let anyone overshadow your unique experiences and as cliché as it sounds, be yourself and stick to your ideals.

*Note* The author has no intention of advocating for harmful stereotypes or desire to offend any individual(s) or groups of people. Please read the article in a light-hearted manner and enjoy.