Third wheeling, also known as the story of my life, is the easiest way to be reminded that you're forever alone (or at least for now alone). Of course, there's casual third-wheeling every now and then, and then there is third-wheeling. The warning signs that you are in too deep and are you couple friends' official third wheel are as follows:
1. You know all of the inside jokes
I know I wasn't actually there when the inside joke was made, but thanks for filling me in and letting me pretend I am part of your fun partnership.
2. Sometimes you sit between the actual couple when you all hangout
During the last Super Bowl, my friends sat on either side of me and held hands around me because I am like their child that they need to keep an eye on and stop from going on shitty Tinder dates all of the time.
3. They act like your parents
When there is no mom to tell you that you cannot eat pizza that has been on the counter for two days, there is always the couple that has taken you in as their own.
4. You were part of their Valentine's Day
You played a part in the "surprise her with a cool gift but don't look like you're sad that you're single" plan. *journals in jealousy forever*
5. You're their professional picture taker
Hell yeah I have a $1000 camera, so I can take beautiful couple pictures of you guys. Yes I will hold the snacks while you go in the photobooth. No I'm not crying because you have cute couple selfies?
6. Somehow you end up with them on dates
I don't know why I am here with you guys, but man I am glad to be here, because this is great and couples are great, but being single and alone is fun too. Amirite, ladies?
7. You can't distinguish things you were there for and things they told you about
What do you mean I wasn't there for that? I literally have the pictures here on my phone! Oh, I screenshotted your snapchat... You're right.
8. You call shotgun when you go places
I know people usually say "Bitches in the back," but I prefer "bitches in the front because I'm nobody's bitch. PS I'm single."
9. Most of your pictures together are a selfie of you and then them doing couple things in the background
Because you are funny and it is all funny. Everything is funny. *Cries*
10. You are by default invited to all late-night fast food runs they go on
Because they appreciate you and your love of cheap and unhealthy food.
11. You're living out your relationship wants through them
You may or may not have suggested a date spot for them and then insisted they snapchat you the entire event. OK, you did and you're not ashamed of the 50 snapchats you screenshotted.
12. They're your best friends and you don't mind if you third-wheel forever
You're causally planning to get certified so you can marry your friends one day because they're #forever and you're a #truefriend.
