8 MORE Things You Say to Your Cat: Kitten Boogaloo
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8 MORE Things You Say to Your Cat: Kitten Boogaloo

Cat Child, how do I deal with you?

8 MORE Things You Say to Your Cat: Kitten Boogaloo
Jane Niland

During the beginning of quarantine, I got a kitten (Well, my mom got a kitten. I didn't really have any say in it, nor did our long suffering old lady cat), and let me tell you, kittens are an entirely different breed. Take a cat... Now take away logic, boundaries, and the least bit of common sense. You have a kitten, and with that comes with some new phrases.

Hey! No!


Some humans are like cats, okay? They only like to be petted or touched when they want to. Once again, since kittens do not inherently understand the concept of boundaries, they will grab your leg, jump on your shoulder, and walk on delicate things... That's only the first instinct, even though they don't get it.

That's a bad idea and you know it...


Kittens lack common sense, at least until something fails X number of times. That number is still to be determined, especially if your kitten This can go for a range of situations, from jumping into the kibble bags, to playing with wires, to trying to scratch Styrofoam, and, of course, making friends.

She doesn't want to be your friend! Friendship goes both ways!


Our old lady cat doesn't seem to be fond of other cats, and that's an understatement with the new kitty. However, new little kitty doesn't seem to understand that. A MEOW MEOOOOOWWWWWW HISS MEOWWWW should make things fairly clear, but sometimes it seems kittens take that as "Oh, she's just grumpy today or right now. I'll try again tomorrow!"

Destructo-Kitty, what are you doing?


My Kitten has three modes: Sleep Mode, Normal, Sane Mode, and Destructo-Kitty Mode. What is Destucto-Kitty Mode, you ask? It's when you think the kitty somehow drank 12 cups of coffee and darts around the house, jumps on everything, and will attack anything that moves, be it a string toy or a body part. They're not *insert cat name here* anymore. They are only Destructo-Kitty.

There you go, distracted.... Wait, that's not a toy!


Kittens have got to have toys, especially if there aren't other kittens around, and the adults don't want to play. However, they don't seem to know the difference between what is and isn't a toy. Sometimes it saves time and money if it won't hurt them.... I know those wires look pretty and are begging for you to bap them, but they're dangerous!

OWW! Please, not the claws...


I said in number one that kitties have no sense of boundaries. Maybe it could be okay, since you've been "chosen" by a kitty, but it probably would be better if they knew their own strengths. Claws are for grasping, and they HURT. They can draw blood even if they used you for a trampoline for a second! Please, if you love me, be careful, save those for the scratching post.

You can act cute all you want, you're still in trouble.


Despite their faults, kittens can be good at a lot of things, including but not limited to, getting in trouble and being cute. It seems to be a sacred law among pets that acting cute enough can get one out of any situation. Some humans are more stoic than others, however.... You can continue being cute anytime, but eating other people's food? Ugh, stop looking at me with those big adorable eyes!

What will you be like as a cat?


Of course, kittens and cats are different, but cats and other cats are also different. Will she still want to be held and petted? Will Destructo-Kitty die off as soon as adulthood is reached? Will the apparently universal concept of cuteness change? I'm curious and a little afraid to know.

And no, kitty, rubbing against my leg and meowing will not get you food faster.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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