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8 MORE Things You Say to Your Cat: Kitten Boogaloo

Cat Child, how do I deal with you?

Jane Niland

Aug 31, 2020

Millennials of New Jersey

266

8 MORE Things You Say to Your Cat: Kitten Boogaloo

Jane Niland

During the beginning of quarantine, I got a kitten (Well, my mom got a kitten. I didn't really have any say in it, nor did our long suffering old lady cat), and let me tell you, kittens are an entirely different breed. Take a cat... Now take away logic, boundaries, and the least bit of common sense. You have a kitten, and with that comes with some new phrases.

Hey! No!

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Some humans are like cats, okay? They only like to be petted or touched when they want to. Once again, since kittens do not inherently understand the concept of boundaries, they will grab your leg, jump on your shoulder, and walk on delicate things... That's only the first instinct, even though they don't get it.

That's a bad idea and you know it...

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Kittens lack common sense, at least until something fails X number of times. That number is still to be determined, especially if your kitten This can go for a range of situations, from jumping into the kibble bags, to playing with wires, to trying to scratch Styrofoam, and, of course, making friends.

She doesn't want to be your friend! Friendship goes both ways!

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Our old lady cat doesn't seem to be fond of other cats, and that's an understatement with the new kitty. However, new little kitty doesn't seem to understand that. A MEOW MEOOOOOWWWWWW HISS MEOWWWW should make things fairly clear, but sometimes it seems kittens take that as "Oh, she's just grumpy today or right now. I'll try again tomorrow!"

Destructo-Kitty, what are you doing?

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My Kitten has three modes: Sleep Mode, Normal, Sane Mode, and Destructo-Kitty Mode. What is Destucto-Kitty Mode, you ask? It's when you think the kitty somehow drank 12 cups of coffee and darts around the house, jumps on everything, and will attack anything that moves, be it a string toy or a body part. They're not *insert cat name here* anymore. They are only Destructo-Kitty.

There you go, distracted.... Wait, that's not a toy!

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Kittens have got to have toys, especially if there aren't other kittens around, and the adults don't want to play. However, they don't seem to know the difference between what is and isn't a toy. Sometimes it saves time and money if it won't hurt them.... I know those wires look pretty and are begging for you to bap them, but they're dangerous!

OWW! Please, not the claws...

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I said in number one that kitties have no sense of boundaries. Maybe it could be okay, since you've been "chosen" by a kitty, but it probably would be better if they knew their own strengths. Claws are for grasping, and they HURT. They can draw blood even if they used you for a trampoline for a second! Please, if you love me, be careful, save those for the scratching post.

You can act cute all you want, you're still in trouble.

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Despite their faults, kittens can be good at a lot of things, including but not limited to, getting in trouble and being cute. It seems to be a sacred law among pets that acting cute enough can get one out of any situation. Some humans are more stoic than others, however.... You can continue being cute anytime, but eating other people's food? Ugh, stop looking at me with those big adorable eyes!

What will you be like as a cat?

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Of course, kittens and cats are different, but cats and other cats are also different. Will she still want to be held and petted? Will Destructo-Kitty die off as soon as adulthood is reached? Will the apparently universal concept of cuteness change? I'm curious and a little afraid to know.

And no, kitty, rubbing against my leg and meowing will not get you food faster.

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8 MORE Things You Say to Your Cat: Kitten Boogaloo

Cat Child, how do I deal with you?

Hey! No!

That's a bad idea and you know it...

She doesn't want to be your friend! Friendship goes both ways!

Destructo-Kitty, what are you doing?

There you go, distracted.... Wait, that's not a toy!

OWW! Please, not the claws...

You can act cute all you want, you're still in trouble.

What will you be like as a cat?

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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