I want to be so many things in life. I want to be fashionable. I want to be nerdy. I want to have fun and be expressive with what I wear. But I would honestly be heavily judged if I wore these things in public, even though I know you want you wear these things too. So lend an ear to my bleeding heart of fashion, I think you will hear your own cravings as well.
1. Fanny Packs
These are so freaking useful I want to cry. They don’t give you shoulder burn, they hold a moderate amount of items for your day. You can fit not only an EOS chapstick, but a phone charger and keys and more. There are so many different designs of fanny packs, they are amazing. Now, some would argue that these are still fashionable, so many people at Coachella had one. Correction: They are fashionable, only at music festivals. I want to wear one when I go to the beach and not be judged. That’s all I can hope for.
2. Capes
“No Capes” Edna ‘E’ Mode. I get it. Only nerds want to wear capes all the time so they can be like their favorite super heroes. Now yes, I am a nerd, but all my favorite super heroes do not have capes ("Deadpool," "Spiderman," "Wolverine"—you get the picture). Honestly, capes look awesome in the wind, and the more feminine ones look gorgeous. Pretty please?
3. Scene Hair
Now you might be wondering how much of a dweeb I am by these point, but let me explain. Scene hair was a phase that was creative and sometimes beautiful. Like I wish that I had that level of skill to dye my hair in actual paterns, and multiple on top of that. Sure, scene hair was garish and I would personally never do that myself, but I loved seeing the different creations that would come out of it, so I would love for that fashion statement to return. But if you seriously say, “I’m so random! Rawr!” I will block you out of my life forever. That needs to stay dead.
4. Toe Rings
I do not think these are unfashionable by our standards, but they certainly are not popular enough. Fingers and toes are basically the same shapes, and even if people don’t see your toes that often, why not wear toe rings? They are adorable, can match with your jewelry, and give strong summer vibes. Now, for those of you who hate feet (for a reason I still cannot fathom), I can understand why you do not want people flashing their toes around. But as a proud San Diegan, my sandals are never coming off, so get ready for some toe bling.
5. Suspenders
Very few people wear these off or on the red carpet, and this is a shame. No matter how you choose to define yourself with your gender, this is singularly the best way to look sexy. They show a classic look, elongate your torso, and come in so many different styles. I mean look how cool this girl looks! I swear if my job turns out to be one where you must dress professionally, these will be in my wardrobe, fashionable or not. I hope you will join me on this journey.
6. Rideable Roller Backpacks
Züca backpacks. Do you remember them? The hundred dollar backpacks that rolled and that you could ride? I remember always wanting one because they looked like so much fun. Only the cool rich kids would have one, and now that I have my own income, man do I want to buy them. But having a roller backpack at college is like having a “I’m a bit too weird for you” sign attached to your back. So please, fashion gods, allow me this one opportunity to redeem my younger self!
7. Masks
I would love to hide my face from the world some days. You know, a nice Venetian mask or even a simple Anonymous mask would be great to cover up my breakout. Now, wearing masks not on Halloween is frowned upon in this society for many reasons. One is that it is hard for the authorities to find you if you commit a crime, so they are banned on places like college campuses. Also, they can be really scary at times. However, when I don’t feel like putting on makeup, can I put on a sheep mask instead? It would sure help my self confidence.
8. Light-Up Shoes
If you have not been jealous of a small child with light up shoes, you are a straight up liar. Those shoes look epic, and they come in so many different styles. I would kill to have a pair of light up "Deadpool" sneakers! Alas, they do not make them in adult sizes because they look “childish.” Correction, they look awesome, you are wrong, and I want my shoes to shine like diamonds. Literally. So get off my back.
9. Sweatpants
These are not approval. They are lazy fashion, made to hide your true self, and are deemed laying back clothes. Everyone I know wears sweatpants outside of their home, so can’t we come to some sort of agreement and get over the fact that we all wear these outside? Can we make them just acceptable in the real world by this point? Thank you.
10. Heelys
These were the coolest pair of shoes that you could have when I was a kid. Being able to roll from class to class, being able to show off sick moves, and generally just gliding around like a ghost was what we would call lit today. I wanted a pair so bad, but they were again always too expensive, even a bit dangerous. But if I could get a pair of fashionable Heelys and still have cool friends, I would do it in a heartbeat. They even sell them in adult sizes people!
11. Face Jewels
Here is something I love about music festivals: You can wear anything from nerdy to over-the-top glamorous, and people will love you for it. Another item that I wish was fashionable comes from music festivals: face and body jewelry. The stick on jewels can complement the jewelry you already have one, and can make you look like a righteous alien. Also, they increase your confidence by making you feel magical. It’s a win-win situation here people.
