Throughout my work day, I find myself biting my tongue quite often. The list of things I wish I could say to customers seems endless, but no matter what, I have to make sure I'm polite to even the rudest of customers. I figured I'd compile a list of all of the sarcastic comments I wish I could say to the terrible customers I deal with because I'm sure I'm not the only one who has thought about giving a customer's bad attitude right back to them.
1. A $100 bills at 5am? Seriously? You're joking, right?
2. Can you not read the sign that says "this register is closed"? I'm over here.
3. No, I can't open the register you're standing at just so you don't have to wait in line like everyone else. What's so special about you?
4. Excuse me, I'm a human being and I'd appreciate being treated as such.
5. I'm sorry, maybe if you spoke up or spoke a little bit clearer I would be able to understand what you're asking of me.
6. Do you honesty think I can pay out a $700 lotto ticket? This isn't a bank, I don't have oodles of cash laying around to hand over to you.
7. I know the customer is "always right" but in this case, you're wrong.
8. No, I didn't give you the wrong pack of cigarettes, you asked for the wrong pack of cigarettes.
9. Oh, you bought a pizza here a week ago and found a hair in it, but don't have the pizza to prove it to me? Tell me again why I should give you an entire pizza for free.
10. If you stood at my register instead of wandering around aimlessly or following my every move, maybe I would know that you are ready to be cashed out. The register is on the counter, following me around isn't going to do anything for you.
11. Can you tell me of a time when your natural colored hair or lack of tattoos has every improved you work ethic or ability to perform a task? No? Then why do you think my unnatural hair color and tattoos are hindering me from performing at my job? I'll wait.
12. You're the one that put a slushy in a Pepsi cup and expected me to only charge you for a Pepsi. Don't get bent out of shape because you got caught, pay up.
13. Does it look like we're at a strip club? Try handing me your money next time, not throwing it.
14. I've asked you like five different questions and you haven't so much as opened your mouth for a response. You feeling alright, or...?
15. You wouldn't want me listening to music or talking on the phone while you're trying to order food or cash out, would you? Try putting the cell phone down or taking the earbuds out. Can you hear me now?
This honestly doesn't even begin to cover all of the things that I've wanted to say to customers and I'll probably come up with many more the longer I work with them. There really is never a dull moment when you work in retail.
