A Terrifying List Of Things We Do When We Procrastinating
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Student Life

The Ultimate, Very Real, Very Terrifying List of Things We All Do When Procrastinating

Inspired by SpongeBob

The Ultimate, Very Real, Very Terrifying List of Things We All Do When Procrastinating

What better way to ring in the new year (and new semester) than addressing the goal 99% of the student population struggles with: PROCRASTINATION. I'm the first one to use the excuses, "I do better under pressure", or "a shorter time span inspires more creativity", and I do believe this to a point. However, think of how much time we spend on pointless things and how much brainpower we cloud while putting off school and work.

The episode of Spongebob with the notorious essay that just wouldn't write itself is truly a reflection of what happens to a lot of students when trying to focus on a task on hand. Although we may not do the exact same things he did, I think we can all agree that there is an abundance of purposeless activities we engage in while trying to avoid doing something that actually matters-whether it's for a grade, for work, or an article that ends up being about procrastination anyways.

1. Become Picasso

The first thing we all do to avoid writing or taking notes is definitely doodling. Who knew we could fill 4 pages of Picasso-worthy abstract art?

2. Make a meal fit for Guy Fieri

Just like Spongebob, we usually need a little brain food before starting such a daunting task. In order to take as much time and energy as possible, you prepare a 4-course meal worthy of a king.

3. Calculate how much time you have left if you keep procrastinating

This is my personal favorite. If you watch 2 40-minute episodes on Netflix, take a short nap AND go to the gym, you leave exactly 15 minutes for homework due at midnight. This gives you just enough time to pull something out of your ass and hope for a 4.0.

4. Stalk so hard you find your crush's grandma's Facebook

We find ourselves deep in the Internet sometimes. If you truly want to avoid it this semester, I would suggest deleting some apps or accounts, but you can check out my last article for advice on that one (wink wink). While conducting research for a paper, we tend to stray away from statistics and learn more about what someone wore last week or who they're dating now. Totally a dangerous trap.

5. Take selfies you'll never post

Do you ever realize you ACTUALLY look decent for once when you can't leave your room without finishing an assignment? The one time your messy bun is kinda hot. Or you can pose your sweatshirt over your face a little to hide the chins. Snapchat filters are a best friend in a time like this, so you might as well try all of them, save them, send them to the group chat of all of your friends, and never post them elsewhere.

6. Edit pictures you'll never post

Sometimes a picture actually grabs you a little- maybe it could match your feed! You just have to edit it. You download 6 apps and spend two hours perfecting a photo that is now just slightly tinted blue.

7. "Felt cute, might delete later"

If you're feeling really ballsy, you post it. This allows for likes and comments to distract you. When the person you want to likes it, you can then breathe and take on your next irrelevant task.

8. Make a schedule (for once)

I never feel the urge to organize more than I do when I'm avoiding everything else. Go through your closet, clean the desk drawers, make a step-by-step schedule for the week. Color-Coding is key, and so is losing it after a day. I mean it's really all about making it right? Not actually doing it.

9. Try out 12 new hairstyles-maybe makeup too

I know that I almost conquered french braiding while procrastinating. This time that feels like eternity is the perfect opportunity to try out some new looks.

10. Solve world hunger

Okay this one isn't for real. But if you're like me, you get in moods where you ACTUALLY use your time to research something meaningful. I mean how cool would it be if all this effort wasn't wasted on useless tasks, and instead used to better the world? One can dream.

I think procrastination is the 8th deadly sin, and I don't even know the other ones. Instead of doing 1-9 on this list, try doing a little 10, or maybe, I don't know, just do what you're supposed to first! Then go out and enjoy life! Thank you for listening to my TedTalk.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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