Asexuality is defined as the lack of sexual attraction to other people. Ergo, asexuals do not experience sexual attraction to anyone of any gender/sex; it just doesn't happen. Although this is a perfectly valid sexuality, a lot of people have trouble believing it exists. One reason could be how sex-crazed our society is; it seems that no matter where you look, you're bound to see something sex-related at some point, whether it be a movie trailer or a viagra commercial. If you're religious, you most likely hear about sex in terms of waiting for marriage or maintaining sexual purity. In either case, both scenarios assume that sex is a normal craving for everyone, which isn't the case at all. There are some people who simply don't want sex for whatever reason. They shouldn't be made to feel ashamed or like there's something wrong with them just because they don't experience sexual attraction. If someone ever comes out to you as asexual or you see an asexual discussion on social media, here are some things you shouldn't say.
1. "So you reproduce by yourself?"
No. For humans, asexuality doesn't mean reproduction my mitosis. Asexuals just aren't sexually attracted to anyone. Excluding any physical complications, asexuals can reproduce just fine.
2. "Isn't that the same as celibacy?"
Unlike asexuality, celibacy is a choice to not engage in sexual activities for either religious or other reasons. Asexuality isn't a choice. The two aren't synonymous.
3. "You just haven't met the right person yet."
Yea, that's not how this works. Asexuality isn't "curable" by another person. Also, not every asexual feels the same way about sex; some like it, some hate it, and other just don't care. Asexuality isn't black and white; it's a spectrum. Even still, meeting a particular person won't magically cause someone to experience sexual arousal. If a person's ace, there's no changing that. Period.
4. "Have you ever been diagnosed as asexual?"
You're not diagnosed as any sexuality, asexual or otherwise. Asexuality isn't a disorder.
5. "But you're a virgin. You won't know until you've tried."
Just like any other sexuality, you just know what you feel (or, in this case, don't). You don't have to experiment with sex to find out you don't want it, and no one should try to convince you otherwise. If you don't want it, you don't want it.
6. "Have you been sexually abused or assaulted? That's probably why you don't want it."
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While sexually traumatic experiences can be a deterrent for sex, they aren't the cause of asexuality or any other sexuality. Asexuals aren't broken or damaged; they don't need to be "healed" in order to experience sexual attraction.
7. "There's no such thing. Everyone wants sex."
Obviously everyone does not want sex, let alone feel sexual attraction; if that were the case, asexuality wouldn't exist. But since asexuals do exist, this argument is invalid.
8. "So do you just masturbate all the time?" or, "Why do you masturbate then?"
It really isn't. Asexuals can still choose to masturbate as a form of stress relief or for other reasons that don't necessarily involve sexual arousal. Even still, don't ask anyone this; it's way too personal.
9. (if you're in a relationship and come out to your partner) "So you don't love me anymore?" "Am I not attractive?"
Yea, those two questions could be terrifying (as if coming out wasn't scary enough). If you're in a relationship and your partner comes out as asexual, don't think there's something wrong with you; there's nothing wrong with either of you. It's just how your partner is. It might be a lot to process at first, but give it time and try to be understanding. Be open to discussion, too, especially if sex is something you need in a relationship. Both parties need to be fair to themselves, but neither should feel at fault for their sexuality.
10. "It's just a phase."
No. It's not. Sorry to say, but the ace is here to stay.
11. "You're just selfish."
Very rude. Asexuals aren't selfish because of their orientation. Don't try to shame or guilt trip them for being true to themselves.
12. "Have you had your hormones checked?"
This goes back to number four on this list. Again, asexuality is not a medical disorder; they don't need to be checked out.
13. "You're in denial."
Nope, pretty sure they're certain about their sexuality. You're just in denial about theirs if you say or believe this.
14. "No one's gonna want to be with you unless you sleep with them."
Wow. Really? So sex is really the ultimate factor in an intimate relationship? Not love? Trust? Communication? Commitment? Patience? Sex is the deal breaker here? While sex may play a large role in most relationships, that doesn't apply to everyone. There are many other important aspects of a relationship to consider other than sex. Plus, it's not impossible to for an asexual person to be in a relationship with an allosexual person (a term used to denote anyone who isn't asexual); it all depends on the people in the relationship and what they're willing to do for each other.
15. "I bet I can change your mind."
Yea, no. That's also not how this works. Regardless of how good you are in bed (or how good you think you are), you won't "change an asexual's mind." Please don't be this rude and arrogant by saying this to someone.
There are probably other lines I could've put in this article, but you get the idea. Hopefully this article helped to explain why these lines shouldn't be used. If you want to know more about asexuality or don't understand it fully, then definitely ask questions or do your research; the Asexual Visibility and Education Network's website is a great place to start if you don't know anyone who can accurately explain asexuality to you.
Bottom line, asexuality is a valid sexuality, and no one, asexual or otherwise, should be made to feel less than human or be victimized for their sexuality. After all, asexuals are people, too. Why not treat them as such?
