I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this, but I’m about to graduate. (And yes, that was sarcasm. I know I mentioned it in my commitment article and my stress article). There are some things about being a senior in college that you should know. Besides that senioritis is pretty terrible but you should still try to finish strong and that there are two types of seniors: the ones who gave up and are relaxing and the ones who are outrageously stressed, there is one other thing I have noticed. One super annoying thing. When someone finds out I am a senior, he or she, like magic, says a series of things to me, a familiar assortment of statements and questions I hear from basically everyone else who knows I’m a senior. I don’t know who was the first person to start this magical association, but I’m kind of ticked at whoever it was.

The holidays are upon us and seniors, you all should be prepared to hear and respond to all of the following statements. However, this leaves out a large demographic of people, so non-seniors, please don’t ask the college seniors in your life about any of this. Please. We’re begging you. Or if you don’t know what else to talk about, choose a couple. Please don’t use all of them.

What are you going to do with your life/What’s next?

I have no idea. Next question.

To be perfectly honest, I usually reply with, “Cry.” And I smile and laugh and people think it’s a joke. They don’t realize how serious I am.

So, are you thinking about grad school?

I just got out of one education system and you’re trying to throw me into another? I have just accumulated an inordinate amount of debt and you want me to pay for more schooling? Of course I’m going to eventually go to grad school because a Master’s degree is what a Bachelor’s degree was a few decades ago. Not to mention, I’ve been in school for the majority of my life and it’s something I understand so I’ll actually go back to school to avoid the real world. Accrue more debt while avoiding responsibilities. Sounds about right.

You know you need at least a Master’s degree to get a job in your field, right?

Okay, this one might just be me since I’m a psych major, but you know why this question is so dumb? 1. Yes, of course I know. You’ve been telling me for four years and even if you hadn’t been, I’ve known since I chose the major. 2. Even if I didn’t know it before right now, it’s a little late to change my major. Like, four years too late.

Do you have a significant other yet?

Does it...does it matter? Some people like being single? Not everyone needs to get married?

Also see: Now that you've graduated, are you planning on getting married?

I know it’s the “next step” (which is dumb in itself) but still, no one said I had to take that step right away. You’re saying that you don’t want me to learn how to be an independent adult and that I should go straight from being in school for 17 years to getting married so I can...still never learn how to be an independent adult? That sounds like the recipe for a midlife crisis if I ever heard one, especially considering the divorce rate.

That’s a little mean. For those of you who wait until after graduation to get married, good for you. For those of you who get married while still in school, good for you. No judgment here. It’s just not for me.

What kind of job are you looking for/What is your ideal job?

One that pays me enough money to not live in my parents’ house.

You’re so close!

*pulls out phone to show countdown until graduation* Yet so far. And so unmotivated.

Where are you moving to?

Where I can afford. So...back home. Literally.

I’m sure you’ll miss your friends.

Don’t remind me. This is why we have social media: so I can pretend I’m still in college. The FOMO is strong in this one.

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In the end, I know everyone who says these things means well. Please, please just keep in mind that we have had little time to think about the future or it's too scary to think about right now. We just want to make it to graduation.