As we all know, now.. I am pregnant. The secret was kept for half of my pregnancy, but surprise! The things you don’t know however, we need to address them.

1. Please for the love of god don’t touch my stomach without asking.

As people who have experienced pregnancy you know that for some reason when you have a bump, people just gravitate towards it and they HAVE to touch it. Personally, it makes me very uncomfortable. Unless you’re my spouse, you get a free pass, (shoutout to Alex). I had my boss rub my stomach and as a natural instinct it took everything in me not to whack her in self defense. I’m not saying I’m just going to go around hitting people, but please ask, it makes you rubbing my stomach much more comfortable and extremely less awkward. I don’t see you anyone running around rubbing people stomachs that aren’t pregnant because if you did it would be weird, right? So please, let’s just remember, I may be pregnant, but this is still my body, not a public baby fest.

2. If it becomes known to you that I am pregnant, please don’t stare at it.

Yes, I can tell when your eyes look straight at my bump. I can see you sneaking a look, or for some people just flat out staring at it. If I tell I’m pregnant, I don’t think you need to take a look just to make sure, trust me, it’s there, especially after lunch. It’s almost like my bump is like a third boob or something and everyone’s attention just goes straight to it. If that makes any sense..?

3. Making comments on the size of my bump.

We really don’t need to talk about the size of my bump. It makes me a little uncomfortable and really self conscious. Whether your bump is big or small, round or not, you really don’t want people criticizing your bump, even if they mean it in a nice way. My bump, as of right now, is on the smaller end, and since I was a kid I’ve struggled with gaining weight. I had to drink those protein shakes till around middle school, if that gives you an idea. I know some people would think you would want to stay smaller during pregnancy, that way you bounce back quicker, but I still get self conscious about it. I’m not used to having a little extra in the front, so then I start thinking, “Oh my god it doesn’t even look like I’m pregnant, I just look fat, or I just have a stomach, oh my god everyone’s staring, what if there’s something wrong with my baby?!” Yes this goes through my mind. When you’re pregnant your mind really likes to make up these kinds of scenarios in your head. I think we can also leave out the comments of people saying, “Oh don’t worry you’ll get a LOT bigger.” Okay, and? I’m not sure why, I just really don’t like comments on my body. Who knows, maybe I’m like everyone else in the world, who would prefer any comments like that to be kept to themselves..? Honestly, I might just be a crazy pregnant lady, who knows.

4. People telling me I’ll never sleep again.

I am here to announce, there’s no need to tell me this. If you’re pregnant, you can understand I’m already not sleeping thanks to my nightly leg cramps, leg spasms, baby kicking and moving around, not being able to get in a comfortable position, oh, and the constant runs to the bathroom to pee. I’m sure waking up two to three times a night for potty breaks really makes it easy to sleep for everyone, right? Also, I’ve been around newborns before, I practically raised one, so I know how much lack of sleep you can get. I may be on the younger end, but it doesn’t mean I don’t know anything. I know when I need to ask questions or ask for help. Thank you!

5. Please don’t give me parenting advise.

I would appreciate it if maybe we just all supported each other, instead of criticizing everything. I’m already getting judgment on my registry alone, I can’t imagine when the baby gets here. If you’re currently a mom, dad, or guardian out there, I feel for you. It’s like that Kacey Musgraves song, “Mind your own biscuits, and life will be gravy.” Amen sis. I felt that.