It seems more often single mothers are given praise, but I think single fathers deserve just as much appraisal. When I think of father-daughter relationships, I think of the 1994 comedy "My Father the Hero" featuring Katherine Heigl (Nicole) who is the teenage daughter who tries to appear like a woman instead of a girl by making up bizarre stories that her father (Andre) is her lover while on vacation in The Bahamas. Andre tries desperately to make Nicole happy by spending quality father-daughter time on the vacation, and even though Nicole pretends she would rather spend her time elsewhere, she secretly is thrilled. This movie is the perfect representation of my relationship with my father, because I used to pull some crazy stunts on my father to purposely upset him. I was the definition of a brat: a child, typically a badly behaved one. Yet, my father has contributed to the strong-willed woman I have become and has taught me some valuable lessons along the way.
1.That gender roles do not matter
My father took on the role of a caregiver and a breadwinner. My father learned how to braid, twist, comb, brush my hair, etc. Before I went to bed every night, he would style my hair so it would be nice for the next day of school. He worked 9-to-5 work shifts and after he came home from work, he would cook dinner. My favorite dishes of his were tacos and spaghetti. Masculinity and femininity did not seem to matter in our household. My young brothers liked to play with my dolls and I liked to play with their action figures. I know in a majority of households this would not be the norm, but I never felt like I had to be feminine or masculine. According to 'Images of the 'Father' in The Role of the Father in Child Development," involved fathers contribute to “increased empathy, less stereotyped sex role beliefs and greater self-control.” A study by sociologists Emily Shafer and Neil Malhotra showed “men who have daughters are more likely to let go of traditional gender roles.”
2.That “independence” is key
My father’s motto for me was to not depend on a man for financial support, so I always worked hard in school. I became the first person in my family to attend college and I learned to balance my own finances. I saw my father struggle financially as a single father without a college degree, so I learned how important education was to me and him. My ambitious for independence never stopped me from striving for new goals, such as auditioning for a lead role in a play or applying for my dream internship. According to the book, "Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child," a father’s involvement encourages “children’s exploration of the world around them and confidence in their ability to solve problems.”
3.That “freedom of expression” is important
My father let me express my “true” self in any way I desired from tacky mismatched clothes to awkward hairstyles to not complimenting makeup trends. At 13, I went through my emo phase with teasing my hair and wearing a lot of black eyeliner and my father didn’t seem to mind. At age 16, I decided to cut all of long hair off and try out a pixie cut inspired my Rihanna. My dad actually hated it, but I loved it! At 15, I dyed my hair a dark shade of purple and when the sun shone on my hair, I liked to see the purple hues. I went through so many versatile fashion trends from grunge to girly to hipster with incorporating a little mix of all. My father may have not always liked my choices of expression, but he always let me be “me.” The article, "The Effects Absent Fathers have on Female Development and College Attendance," said active fathers caused their daughters to increase their “social responsiveness and positive feeling about self beyond the level of those girls whose fathers were uninvolved.”
4.That women are “empowering”
My father taught me to not be an object, especially growing up influenced by the media that objectified women as sexual objects through magazines, movies, music, etc. He taught me to know my self-worth and to have respect for my own body. I never felt I had to show a lot of skin or be provocative to get attention from men. I learned to value myself from my father who had plenty of experience with different women. I learned that looks were not the overall picture and that my intellectual thoughts meant more. According to a book by pediatrician Dr. Margaret J. Meeker, "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know," daughters who felt their fathers were actively engaged experienced “fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and unhealthy weight.”
So when I think of Andre from "My Father The Hero," I think of my own father. My father is like Andre, who had difficulty accepting that his daughter was growing up. As a grown woman now, I can take appreciation for my father handling puberty, adolescence, boy crushes, girl drama, etc. My best advice to fathers is from the chorus of John Mayer’s song “Daughter”: “Fathers be good to your daughters; daughters will love like you do.” A father’s reflection of love will be an example to a daughter because the first man a daughter will ever love is her father by birth and the second man she loves will be by choice.
