The sunshine state is not all sunshine. In fact, there is a lot that tourists don't know. As a native Floridian, here is the inside scoop on this citrus flavored state.
1. We are all nuts.
Though Georgia may be known for there pecans, Florida is simply nuts. Don't believe me? First of all, where was that bath salt zombie from? Florida. That is not the only place weird things happen. In Tallahassee, there was a middle-aged bicyclist who would bike all around town in just a thong speedo -- all day, every day. Unfortunately, if you try and find him now, you can't. In 2009, he was court mandated to wear more clothes when biking. If those two aren't enough for you, there are memes and an entire Twitter page listing all the weird things that men do in Florida called Florida Man.
2. You must be passionate.
There are a few things Floridians are born to fight for. The first is college football. UF Gators or FSU Seminoles (sometimes, Miami Hurricanes). I may not be a big fan of football, but if someone ever insulted the Seminoles, other than me, I might just get into a fight. We are even passionate about our grocery stores. Publix, with their glorious Pub Subs, is the best grocery store. If you don't think so, don't talk to a Floridian.
3. We are a state divided.
The panhandle is basically south Georgia. If you visit, you will be around a great deal of Southern food and values. Once you hit mid-Florida, it's basically orange fields and theme parks. South Florida is basically divided by Lake Okeechobee. The East side of South Florida is where the rich visit and the elderly live (a.k.a. West Palm, Boca Raton and Fort Lauderdale). If you love the snobby, but gloriously uppity lifestyle this is awesome. South West Florida is where the party never stops, full of Cuban influence, clubs and shops; it's a great place to get your party on. The Keys is Florida's New Orleans. It's a magical land where anything goes and there are lots of boats -- anything goes on a boat. Sounds awesome, and like a Broadway show.
4. Tourist traps.
Floridians are experts at finding tourists and extorting them. It's basically all of our jobs. Anything advertising Disney, shells or oranges is a scam, just so you know. You could probably find the same thing at a normal store for more than half the price. The same "authentic Florida" oranges are at Publix, the shells are free on a beach, and Disney -- well, it's always expensive. So, just look out for those novelty shops. They may be fun to stare at, heck I go to stare at them sometimes, but they are all overpriced.
5. The Heat (not basketball).
Florida weather is bi-polar. At about 3 p.m. every day there is a thunderstorm for about 10 minutes. But one thing you can count on is that it's always warm. So you may see Floridians doing weird things, like wearing jackets in summer or jeans all year round, maybe shorts in winter. We're so used to the weird weather, that we just wear what we want. Who cares if it adds extra heat, it's already a sauna outside, so why not?
6. Okee... Say What?
We are expert pronouncers of odd Native American words. Examples include, but are not limited to: Okeechobee (Oak-uh-ch-OH-bee), Kissimmee (Kiss-Emmy), Chattahoochee (Chat-uh-who-t-chi), and Loxahatchee.
7. Creepy wildlife.
Gators and snakes and bugs -- oh my! Florida was originally a swamp land, so our wildlife can be a little crazy. You will find armies of snails and love bugs (not like cute little VW bugs) at certain points in the year. The occasional snake will also pop up. Just this past year, three have surprised me while walking out of my dorm -- oh, the joy! Of course, there are gators as well; that little rumbling sound they make is a great warning to get out fast. These blast from the past, modern day dinosaurs are fun to learn about, but the reason they are UF's mascot is because they are scary -- like, nightmare worthy. However what is worse than gators, are the flocks of the dangerous, blood sucking, night crawling mosquitos!
So that's Florida. Make sure you're prepared for this type of life before you move. Though we have our quirks, we're still the greatest because only the strong survive.
