Things I Just Can’t Seem to Stop Doing

Humans are creatures of habit, and, for the most part, there are few exceptions to that rule. Sure, there are adventurous souls out there, people that change up their routines and do something new and exciting every single day.

Most of us don’t have that kind of energy or, you know, have commitments that don’t allow for such things – like, I don't know, work?

Then there are those on the opposite end of the spectrum, but I’m talking about things that are a little more instinctual than eating the same dinner on Tuesday every week. I’m talking about something a bit more inexplicable.

Sometimes we do things just because…well, just because we always have, and they don’t make a lick of sense.

I’ve noticed the little things I do, habitually, and as much thought as I’ve put into it, I just can’t provide sound reasoning for any of them. I would wager that I’m not the only one, or is that more along the lines of hopeful thinking?.To solidify this ridiculousness, I put together a list of a few of the senseless things that I just can't seem to stop doing.

1. Checking the Refrigerator Fifty Times

I like food. I like food so much that no matter if I'm hungry or not, my brain compels me to go to the kitchen. When I get there, I open the refrigerator only to see a big, fat, lot of nothing. This comes as no surprise. Why? Because I did the same thing ten minutes ago, and ten minutes before that. I know that there’s nothing in there. I’ve eaten it all.

But maybe if I try opening it and shutting it again…

2. Checking Behind the Shower Curtain

When I go into the bathroom, before I allow myself to commence doing whatever it was that I came in there to do, I eyeball the shower curtain. I take a breath, lean over, and fling it to the side. My heart's beating a little faster than I'd like to admit. It comes as no surprise, however, that the shower is unfailingly empty.

I’d like to say that it’s some sort of self-preservation instinct, but really, who am I kidding? What exactly would I do if there was someone in my shower? What would that knowledge gain me? I would piss off the ax murderer trying to play hide-and-seek, that’s what, and wouldn’t that be awkward?

3. Hitting "Next Episode"
(Interchangeable with “Just One More Chapter” or “Next Checkpoint”)

Does this one even need elaboration? What is sleep? What year is it? What season of Orange is the New Black is this? Why do I do this to myself? Do I have no self control?

4. Free Shipping

Speaking of self control, if you show me a button that says “Free Shipping,” there is a very high possibility that I will show an alarming lack of it...Every. Single. Time.

5. Procrastination

I know I’m not alone here. When is that paper due? Nine o’clock in the morning! When are we going to do it? …eh.

You know the drill. It’s midnight, and I’ve just made myself some popcorn. Then I blink, and I swear I only took a YouTube break like, twice, and the clock can't possibly be right because how is it 3:00 a.m. already? One hour of sleep (if I’m lucky), and five cups of coffee later, I’m submitting a document that I hope is legible - fingers crossed, because I certainly didn’t reread it. Let’s try again next week.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand how I passed high school like this.

6. Zodiac Descriptions

You know those stupid Zodiac summaries, like “What type of Pizza is Your Sign?”

I’m incapable of scrolling past them. I just can’t resist. I don’t put any stock in them, but yet, here I am, weighed down with the knowledge that I’m a pepperoni and pineapple pizza, with a crunchy crust to match my crusty Capricorn soul.

7. Trying to Drink While Laying Down

I am almost 20 years old. There has not been a single time that attempting to drink something whilst in a horizontal position has worked in my favor. Yet, here I am with a wet pillowcase, spluttering water all over my face and drowning in regret. And I might try it again tomorrow – just in case the laws of gravity have changed.

8. Peaking Through My Fingers

Horror movies are typically pretty predictable, and as soon as that suspenseful music starts playing, I hide my eyes behind my hands. But then it hits me – what if I miss something? So I peak through my fingers just as the scary face pops up with an absolutely awful loud noise. I shriek. I embarrass myself. The whole thing is utterly pointless, and I lose a little bit of self-respect every time.

So that’s it. These are just a few of the things that I can’t seem to stop myself from doing, no matter how pointless or counterproductive they prove to be. I’m think I'm going to go check my fridge now.