It was advertised months before its actual release, and now that it's finally here, it has taken the whole world by storm, literally! I'm yet to see a single person within my friend group who isn't playing this thing. For those of you that haven't the slightest idea of what I'm talking about--those that live under rocks, apparently--I'm talking about Pokemon Go, the latest cash cow of social media. It's an app that allows you to finally obtain your dream job as a Pokemon trainer, where you can travel all around in search of the various Pokemon. Now, if you don't know what Pokemon are, sorry, I can't help you. Now that the explanation's out of the way--honestly, I can't believe I even had to explain it--back to the matter at hand. This app has become incredibly popular in the span of two weeks, so much so, I swear, it might even be more widely utilized than Facebook or Instagram. Now that's an accomplishment!
It's honestly crazy how quickly this phone app has taken over. I'll admit, I'm one of the few that doesn't have the app--yes, I know, I 'm absolute scum and would probably be better off dead. So, in order to repent for this tragic sin, I've been making a few observations regarding those of you who do have it.
1. Anything Goes.
It's no joke! When you download this app, all bets are off. Pokemon become your number one priority, no matter how many family members, friends, or obligations you have. The places you'll go, the things you'll see--and, unfortunately, some of the things you'll do--all of these experiences will be something of a life-changer for you. I mean, who wouldn't want to go out in the middle of the street, disrupting all kinds of traffic, if it meant catching one of their favorite Pokemon? And it isn't considered strange if you wander into a dark and sketchy alley, on the wrong side of town, as long as it means you get to be the very best. I won't lie, I'd be pretty leery about going into some of the places that app has y'all going to, but that's just me, the deviant without the app, so what do I know?
I guess it isn't so bad, though. What are a few bullet wounds and potential muggings compared to finally getting a hold of that Mew Pokemon you've been wanting? I mean, come on! It's freaking Mew we're talking about here!
2. #Teamsmatter.
When you start off, you have one of three teams you can choose from. You have Team Valor, where power is what matters most, Team Instinct, where you operate by, you guessed it, using your instincts to find the Pokemon you seek and then there's Team Mystic, that's all about wisdom and strategy. Now, a word of caution, friends. Based on what I've heard, the team you choose is vital to both your success and survival. And it will also either forge new friendships, or completely eradicate those you already had. Yeah. It's THAT big of a deal! The rivalry shared between these three are truly incredible! You thought the rivalry between Star Wars fans and Trekkies was intense? Wait until you get a load of these guys! You'll see a comment every now and then, or even a declaration, regarding the belittling of one of the teams. Just seeing how back and forth these guys are with each other is quite the spectacle! Though these teams don't really do much to affect your overall experience--save for when it comes to finding gyms to train your Pokemon (I hear Team Instinct is pretty bad when it comes to that, not that I'm biased or anything)--they will wreck you in real life if you aren't careful.
3. Your Comfort Zone is Irrelevant.
Getting this app is like the equivalent to selling your soul. You have no say in anything and are basically reduced to a simple drone that's sent out to random locations in order to capture the little monsters and appease the Pokemon god. So you might as well get used to it early. You will be sent to places you may not like, areas that, for most, might not appear to be the safest, or the most plausible to travel through, but that matters not. If the Pokemon god demands it, you must do it regardless!
Every now and then, I'll see a video, or even a text message telling a story of how someone executed their crazy rites of passage, how they've just hiked up a mountain in order to catch a Charizard, or that they kayaked across a lake in order to achieve a Pikachu, and so on. Normally, I'd be concerned, but hey, if it gets them outside and active, I'm all for it. What are a few bruises and life-threatening antics when you're having a good time?
4. Pokeballs are the Worst.
Even I've heard about how much of a pain these things are to use. Ever play that weird free basketball game on your phone? You know, the one where the hoop is careening from side to side, getting faster with each shot you make, and the only way to get the ball inside is by sweeping it in with your finger? Now imagine that, only the basketballs are pokeballs and the hoop is a Pokemon and moves twice as fast. Any of you that have played that basketball game in the past, know just how easy it is to mess up on a throw--you put your finger on it the wrong way, then the next thing you know, not only do you miss the target completely, you have to endure the mocking laughter of the Pokemon you failed to catch. Such a humiliation may be too much to bear, for some, but it is a burden, a loss, that you all must bear.
5. Say Goodbye to Social Activity.
As soon as you get this app, you'll be surrounded by all sorts of Pokemon, some that are known to all and others that very few recognize. If you spent your childhood watching the original show, or playing the games, well you had an amazing childhood, first off, but you also have an advantage over those that haven't. All those years you spent identifying all of those Pokemon are about to pay off. Nothing will get in your way!
But alas, the life of a Pokemon trainer is a lonely one. Those of your heathen friends that don't understand, or mock you for your practices, will have to be left behind in the name of Pokemon. But in all honesty, who cares about any of that? You've been waiting for this chance your whole life. You're not gonna give it up just because your friends don't get you on this level, are you? Didn't think so. Besides, you'll probably be out all day, searching and filling your arsenal with powerful and rare Pokemon, and too busy to socialize with them, anyway. Who needs friends when you can catch a Squirtle, am I right?
6 Pokemon Go is Like Working Out.
I was actually surprised by all of the exercise that goes into playing this thing. So many people I've observed have been out and about for hours on end, walking almost nonstop. That kind of thing must burn a TON of calories (assuming they ate at all).
