- I have a cold sore. Sure, lots of people get them. They’re pretty common. I just feel like on me, they explode into a huge, swollen, red spot that’s taking over my face and catching the attention of anyone within 20 feet of me. I heard black licorice helps, so I started eating a ton even though I hate that stuff. I get so stressed and self-conscious about them that I convince myself they are getting bigger and uglier by the hour. Don’t mind me; I wear this surgical mask all the time. It’s not weird.
- I didn’t shave my legs. This really only applies when my legs are actually exposed. If I’m wearing jeans, I forget that I haven’t shaved and go about my business. However, if my legs are exposed, and I haven’t shaved in a few days, and I am not in a casual situation, I’m not happy. I’m thinking about the lighting, whether or not I have goosebumps, how far your eyes are from my legs, how good your vision is, how much leg hair might bother you, and if there’s a possibility you could potentially brush my sasquatch legs.
- You scare me. On rare occasions, I find myself in front of someone that freaks me out a little. You might seem a little too assertive, too confrontational, or overly arrogant. You might seem too comfortable with me for being a stranger. You might use harsh language that I’m unaccustomed to hearing. All I know is, I need to act right in front of you because I don’t want you to see how you scare me. So I’m going to laugh when I’m supposed to, act natural, and then skedaddle right outta there.
- I’m really uncomfortable in this outfit. It might be a brand new outfit that’s a little different for me, or something I wore ages ago and suddenly decided to bring back. If I’m wearing a strapless bra, a waist cinching belt, a short dress, or that new trend I thought I could pull off, I am uncomfortable. If I’m wearing most any pair of jeans, there is usually at least one part of my body that is uncomfortable. If the fabric of the garment is itchy, or slightly see through, I’m a mess. This is why I should just wear t-shirts all the time.
- I’m tipsy. Sometimes, when I’m drinking at a social gathering, I suddenly realize that someone was very generous with the alcohol (and sometimes that someone was me). I prefer drinks that taste like candy, because alcohol is gross and I don’t wanna taste that. I also know very little about making drinks, so it’s always a guess as to how much alcohol goes in. Then I bump into something, or notice that I’m speaking far too loud and suddenly have to straighten up and pretend I’m completely sober.
- I want to be your best friend. I think you’re really cool, and I want to hang out with you. You seem like you are always up to something awesome. I’m going to act nonchalant about hanging out, because I don’t want you to see me as a fangirl. But that’s what I am! I want to be in with the in crowd! Let me in! I mean, not that I care or anything. Whatever.
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
